A note to my Heart’s Desire

A note to my Heart’s Desire

A Poem by Sheeba
"

This poem reflects the deep and divine love for the one who always propels you forward.

"

The longing of my heart goes beyond my control. My heart impels out the love for you through my veins. This makes me experience your warmth each and every moment.  As your aura is in me, I never bother where you are, far or near! My dear, until the end of time you are close to my heart. My soul natters to yours and yours to mine. This divine feel makes us go on. I am really blessed to have you as mine and only mine. This makes my days vibrant and my dreams flutter in air without an end. You have given meaning to my life and how will I live without you. Your thought makes me cheerful and propels me.  Oh! My beloved, lets both be alive in this divine love and experience it, which overflows without an end. My Honey, lets lock it inside the safe chamber in our heart which God has gifted us.

© 2013 Sheeba


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This is a very moving piece. Some suggestions, the font is distracting and a little hard to read, just my opinion. The form could use a little work. Have everything in one long paragraph is generally seen as not proper form, however, rules were meant to be broken, so if you like it this way, more power to you. Here is just my suggestion on formatting and some comments:

The longing of my heart goes beyond my control.
My heart impels out the love for you through my veins. (this is very unique. I have no heard this one used before)
This makes me experience your warmth each and every moment. (maybe a little more description here. Why warmth? Is it representative of love?)
As your aura is in me, (not sure how I feel about the word "aura". To me, aura is what a person puts off, their warmth, their energy. I cannot visualize how a persons aura can be within someone else. Maybe their spirit or soul instead?)
I never bother where you are, far or near! (I don't believe "bother" is the right word here. Maybe worry instead? wonder?)
My dear, until the end of time you are close to my heart.
My soul natters to yours and yours to mine. (I think speaks might be a better use than natters)
This divine feel makes us go on.
I am really blessed to have you as mine and only mine.
This makes my days vibrant and my dreams flutter in air without an end.
You have given meaning to my life
how will I live without you? (how could I ever live without you?)
Your thought makes me cheerful and propels me.
Oh! My beloved,
lets both be alive in this divine love and experience it,
which overflows without an end. (as it overflows without an end)
My Honey, (darling or love might flow better)
lets lock it inside the safe chamber in our heart ("of our hearts")
which God has gifted us.

Hope you don't mind the suggestions. Overall, very beautiful conveyance of love.

Jupiter

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Dear Jupiter
Thanks a lot for your review on my poem. I will surely change the style of font. I really appreciate the suggestion made by you. Here in the line "My heart impels out the love for you through my veins." a poetic freedom in taken to show the deep love towards the lover.And also warmth always show love, affection etc. Also according to psychologist aura is divided into positive and negative, and it has a positive or negative impact on other person, that is why we sometimes feel to keep distance from some people or to get attached to others. Here due to the positive aura, the love is having some sort of blind and sincere love towards the lover. "How will I live without you" can really be changed as "how could I ever live without you" as you suggested and also"I never bother where you are, far or near!" if worry was used instead of bother it could have made it more meaning full.
Thank you once more for your sincere suggestions. Please do review my other prose poems and give me your valuable advice.

Posted 10 Years Ago


This is a very moving piece. Some suggestions, the font is distracting and a little hard to read, just my opinion. The form could use a little work. Have everything in one long paragraph is generally seen as not proper form, however, rules were meant to be broken, so if you like it this way, more power to you. Here is just my suggestion on formatting and some comments:

The longing of my heart goes beyond my control.
My heart impels out the love for you through my veins. (this is very unique. I have no heard this one used before)
This makes me experience your warmth each and every moment. (maybe a little more description here. Why warmth? Is it representative of love?)
As your aura is in me, (not sure how I feel about the word "aura". To me, aura is what a person puts off, their warmth, their energy. I cannot visualize how a persons aura can be within someone else. Maybe their spirit or soul instead?)
I never bother where you are, far or near! (I don't believe "bother" is the right word here. Maybe worry instead? wonder?)
My dear, until the end of time you are close to my heart.
My soul natters to yours and yours to mine. (I think speaks might be a better use than natters)
This divine feel makes us go on.
I am really blessed to have you as mine and only mine.
This makes my days vibrant and my dreams flutter in air without an end.
You have given meaning to my life
how will I live without you? (how could I ever live without you?)
Your thought makes me cheerful and propels me.
Oh! My beloved,
lets both be alive in this divine love and experience it,
which overflows without an end. (as it overflows without an end)
My Honey, (darling or love might flow better)
lets lock it inside the safe chamber in our heart ("of our hearts")
which God has gifted us.

Hope you don't mind the suggestions. Overall, very beautiful conveyance of love.

Jupiter

Posted 10 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 4, 2013
Last Updated on May 4, 2013