Waking

An old poem I found in a draw. I think it came from wondering round an old, dilapidated house when I was small.

The house is quiet, here
as I avoid the glass,

Dark and warm;
a womb of sorts.

                            (I haven’t moved, you see
                                                      for the longest time)

And the        spiders        have       had      their      babies

in              between my eye     lashes.

here
    in     the
                                        blistering rain,
                   an eye

although        wind      
               the          still          reaches

                     me,

The wind that sounds like rapping.

And although it may just be a tree,
                                             (an olive branch, perhaps),

this time there is someone
outside my window pane.

Rap,
Rap,
rapping on my glass. 

I know they see me, here
amongst the dirt and dust,

They can,
see me,
see,
me

so, I’ll keep, waking

with
       my
             eyes 

                       sh
                          -sh-
                               sh-
                                   sh-
                                                              ut.

Author's Note

woowe not really sure what I wanted to achieve here!

As ever please please tell me what I can do to improve!!

Reviews

[silverlocket]

Now just playing around! Love that you can move the structure around!

[The Exiled Wolf]

This poem is kinda fun to me (I guess I'm weird)

For the last three lines I guess you're doing a ritardando... and I feel that some little tweaks would do the trick

They can see me, see, me
so I'll keep waking...
With...my...eyes...
sh-sh-sh-sh-ut.

[silverlocket]

Ahah noo, I was trying to create a kind of fun/creepy/naive sort of thing, so I'm glad you think that!

Woah I wasn't actually planning that, just trying to play around with rhythm, but that actually sounds a lot better, thank you!

[Gee]

Lines 7 and 8 made my skin crawl, ugh, hate spiders. Again you have me stumped....

[silverlocket]

Ugh I know, made me squirm writing it down... And don't worry, was mainly just playing around with words!