Into the Abyss

Into the Abyss

A Poem by Sonia
"

A little darker than my usual poems, but i hope you like it just the same.

"
An empty hole inside my stomach
pulling me in, pulling me in
into the abyss, the cold unwavering,
nothing left for the saving

A peace so loud that it shatters
flesh and bone, flesh and bone
So much light, it seems so dark
So invisible it leaves a mark

A whirlwind blowing all away
twisting and turning, twisting and turning
leaving this loneliness to grow and fester
like a friend none the bester

This empty hole inside my chest
growing deeper, growing deeper
Clouding my vision, muddling my thoughts
Should i surrender or should i not?

© 2010 Sonia


Author's Note

Sonia
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I'm sorry, but it does not fit in my contest:(

Posted 13 Years Ago


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it's dark and mysterious but an interesting poem I liked it

Posted 13 Years Ago


Poetry doesn't have rules.
You can make up words :)
Just don't do it for the sake of a rhyme is all. As long as we understand what you're trying to convey... and I think we all do.
I really love how you repeat the 2nd line in every stanza.

The mood of it is really clear too. It's great!

Posted 13 Years Ago


"A peace so loud that is shatters" make "is" into "it"
"like a friend none the bester" "bester" isn't a word, but I know what you mean.

Other than those two little things, I love the poem, second stanza is my favorite as I can relate. Good job.

Posted 13 Years Ago


I think regardless of how darj this is, it's a great poem. My favorite lines are the last two in the first stanza, but the first and last stanzas are my favorites in general. I think the rhyme in the last lines of the second stanza seems a bit forced; i think you might wanna change the work 'lark' to something that doesn't make it sound so forced, y'know? Great piece overall.

Posted 13 Years Ago


There is much more to poetry than rhyming. A poem should flow off the tongue when read aloud like warm honey on hot pancakes. The use of meter is the key to achieving this
I like your freshh originality

Posted 13 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on June 27, 2010
Last Updated on July 30, 2010

Author

Sonia
Sonia

CA



About
Hmm...where to begin... Well, my name is Sonia and I am currently a college freshman. Though I am not majoring in writing it is one of my great passions, along with many other things which occupy my .. more..

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