Its Hard to Tell..

Its hard to tell
         what we Want...

             When everything we already have doesn't interest us..

 

Its hard to tell

         what we Feel..

             When every feeling inside us has confused us..

 

Its hard to tell

         what we See..

             When everything is based on our EGO (I..Me..Myself) instead of 'Us'..

 

Its hard to tell

         what we Speak..

             When every word can be misused against us..

Author's Note

feed up with all the promises...statements...words..feelings which others give or I return back..
Because at the end..... Nothing will be with us...

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Good concept, fair execution. I don't think you need to change the color of those four words, as they're already symbolic enough, and you can cut the comma after 'tell' in each line, as that'll make things flow better. Also, you definitely don't need that small parenthetical after 'ego' in the third stanza. This is a good start, but there's room for improvement.

[smilempsn]

ThankU for reviewing and suggestions ... :)
well those colors are just to catch the eye of reader, for keeping them aware of those words..
will surely remove those commas...

[InsanityWriter]

Wow! Well put. Excellent piece. :)

[smilempsn]

ThankU for the visit and review InsanityWriter :)

[Allen Smuckler]

I always like work that takes on the creative side.. not necessarily the expected...By all means leave the red words as they are , I think they add to the emphasis of what you are expressing. They work for me, as does the parenthetical (I, me, myself)...if for no other reason then it is your expression and you can and should write how and what you feel at that moment and not filter. That's the hard part of editing. What to keep and what to omit...my feeling on that is think long....think wrong....

Overall a very precise and meaningful write with insight and touch...
2 minor corrections, I believe should be made for grammar's sake....
lose the 's' in interest(s)...and change 'have' to 'has' in second stanza...
verb agreement...
Nice work Smile...
allen

[smilempsn]

ThankU Allen as always for such a review ^-^
will surely make those changes... :)

[smilempsn]

Done with those changes.. ThankU for telling that... :)

[Pax]

well it's really hart to tell... but if we don't try nothing gets works out... it's a risk to take but it's always worth it when things gets better...

a great piece
~100

[smilempsn]

ThankU Pax for the visit ...review and Rating it ^-^

[TL Boehm]

strong poem. Straight, to the point - no wasted words - well penned.

[smilempsn]

ThankU Boehm for short and well descriptive review :)

[Sami Khalil]

I like how you did this in a great artistic form and flow...Very good...:)

[smilempsn]

ThankU Sami ^-^

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:)

[smilempsn]

:) :)

[Sami Khalil]

^^~^^ :)

[smilempsn]

good nite Sami :)
will leave, need to go office tommrw :-/

[Sami Khalil]

K. Good night...See you later...:)