POSSIBILITIES OF A SUICIDAL NOTE

POSSIBILITIES OF A SUICIDAL NOTE

A Story by JENY
"

It is about lives ending in old age homes. Exploring commercial mentality of this generation

"

 

                   POSSIBILITIES OF A SUICIDAL NOTE

                   Thus read her suicide note that her son Remesh recovered from her dead body before it was taken for post mortem.

 

            It was when in the 6th grade, my son Remesh began to notice about the excesses of his life. He talked to me volubly about his discoveries

.

“You know mom, there are so many things of which I don’t know in my own lap top. It was only yesterday I saw that instead of copying and pasting the data we can move the file to the desired fold”

“Good…” I felt proud of my son.

 

“You know mom, we can compose tunes in mobile phone”

“Really? Fantastic..”

 

“Mom, I can go to school by foot too” one day he said

“You need not…as you can save time and energy, I think school bus is better”

   “No mom it will add up to my daily exercise” He insisted .

“But you are going to health club and….”

“No mom…I would like to..at least twice a week”

“Ok as you like but do not cause much trouble, take care.” His happiness was my prime concern.

                             It was when he stopped talking about possibilities that I decided to check his room. By then he had enrolled into higher secondary school. In his diary I read his fantasies and saw he had begun to search for possibilities of a nice dating. I wished I could help him.

                                  After college he came with the possibility of a happy life if he could marry Renuka. He said he had been dating her for 3 years. I hadn’t other choice as his happiness was my prime concern.

                               I think 4 years later he came with the possibility of vasectomy as if one child itself was an excess for working couples. I put forward the possibility of one more child. As usual he insisted. And his happiness was my prime concern.

                 Whenever he came with possibilities, I had only one choice his happiness. For this I often stifled my possibilities as an individual. And he was happy. I too was happy as I had learned to define my happiness as my son’s happiness. So I couldn’t even restrict when he put forward the possibility of reconstructing entire house to accommodate more possibilities for a luxury life. I had to swallow the pain of rebuilding my room where I spent my precious moments with his dad. How can I convince him that those walls carry the secrets of my heart that I cherish most for a possibility of warding off my loneliness that gnawed me in my sleepless nights?

                              Finally he found out a possibility for my life long happiness. He says I must go to old age home as there is nobody to take care of me when the whole family goes out. But this is an issue of my happiness not his. I should decide where to go. So I am going, dear son. There are no more possibilities for a decrepit whose is waiting for death.

                               Reading the suicide note Ramesh didn’t cry. He gazed and gazed at the face of the dead body of his mother which was blue. The bottle of poison lay near her.

                     After the funeral he sat in the darkness of the room where the mother stayed with her loneliness. Thus began his second journey of life. All along the journey he carried with him a special thing that prompted him to ensure the possibilities for other’s happiness while searching for his own. What was that thing he carried throughout his life?. Nothing but PRICK OF CONSCIENCE he got from suicidal note.

                      Sitting in the heaven mother observed son. She saw that piece of writing in her son’s pocket. It was almost dirty. The son read it 3 times daily. He cried almost 3 times daily. He filled his mind with repentance and whenever he felt that his mind is running short of it, he refilled it, by reading the suicidal note repeatedly. Mother felt so sad. One day she saw him in the room of psychiatrist. Psychiatrist seized her suicide note from him. He gave the son some medicine to forget the mother. The son found it highly effective. But when medicine stopped the memories charged with prick of conscience subdued him with an indescribable pugnacity.

                        He spent his life like that. But he could get rid of this painful state of his mind after his retirement. 10 years after retirement his son booked a room for him in the old age home saying that he can have the company of his ilk there. On that day he stopped taking pills that doctor had insisted never to quit. Thus he came back to normalcy. In the old age home he could find many whose parents died in old age homes.

“Mom you were wiser and braver than me.” He told to the clogged loneliness that wafted from the walls and floor of his room. In the sleepless nights meditated on how to write a good suicidal note.

         


© 2010 JENY



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Reviews

Well done. Suicide. She was still braver than him. A lot in here. I think stylistically the third person is perfect for this narrative.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This was very strong and powerful and indeed so sad, really sad...I liked it a lot!

Posted 7 Years Ago


this was so sad! well done

Posted 7 Years Ago


Suicide is one of those many things that separate us from our animal cousins. There are several reasons to consider it I suppose, but it is a decision that cannot be reversed. Like everyone, I think about it once in a while, but I always decide to put it off for a while longer and go and write a story or a poem!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Dear Jeny,

Wow! How nice. A very powerful write. Yes even loving children often cannot see the sacrifices of a parent. I think it's because they get used to such sacrifices. But in a good family these sacrifices are warranted and even if not initially recognized by the children, the realization of these sacrifices can cut like a knife because they have been raised to be good people. The problem is to let the children know before a suicide is necessary. Sometimes the parent has to let the child know how much they are sacrificing.

Wonderful write. greatly enjoyed. Very thought provoking.

Best regards,

Rick

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like how emotional this comes across. Not quite emo but a trial and thought that everyone goes through. Well done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This so powerful and sad. I really adore your work. Great Job:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Wow, what a profound and powerful story... A very well written, emotional piece. Great job on this one.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This story is so powerful and the story written with a honest pen. I felt the poem desire to feel needed and wanted. Left alone with death as your only friend. Old age can be scary. I hope I have reason and purpose to keep living. A outstanding story. Made me think.
Coyote

Posted 7 Years Ago


A most thought provoking piece of writing But there are many different solutions on offer. Some people adapt very well to life in a care home. Sometimes there is little choice but going into care especially fot those with Alzheimers.In my experience 25 years as a social worker it seemed to me that one of two things happened A new lease of life or a withdrawal from life and an early death.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on April 28, 2010
Last Updated on April 28, 2010
Tags: sad, society, loneliness, psychological

Author

JENY
JENY

Kerala, Thrissur, India



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