unreal bliss

unreal bliss

A Poem by marie

i close my eyes 
see a moonlit face
your loving smile 
takes my breath away

i can still feel 
your lips on mine
can't believe this is real
i'm lost in time

trials we face
will all fade away
in gods lasting grace
we are free to stay

with your arms around me 
his promise in my soul
i know forever 
i will be whole

can't imagine life another way
can't believe this is real
can't believe your here to stay
the perfection is unreal

your eyes in mine
my heart in yours
the moonlit sky
upon hopes shore

no worries in your strong embrace
i've never felt
so truly safe

can i say this is true
a spark from heaven above
i'm lost in your caring eyes
i think i'm stripped of my disguise

for the first time
for the best time
and i know 
that nothing more is needed

i'm content inside your eyes
blown away by your kiss
lost within your eyes
for the first time

© 2013 marie


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Reviews

You put to words exactly what i felt as well!! :) your skills amaze me daily!

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

For what?:)
Sir Joseph

11 Years Ago

Everything:)
marie

11 Years Ago

again, awwww:)
Nice work. I think my only suggestion is to add some imagery. The only physical thing that stands out to me is the "moonlit sky". Not that this is a bad piece. I love it. I'm more or less recommending that you draw upon more physical detail, something the reader can conjure up in the mind and make real, next time. We live in a physical world and that's what sticks. That's what make us remember a certain poem when we're reminded through experience. I think this is a really nice piece though. Good job. Keep writing.

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thank you:) i may just have to go back and edit it some, now that you've pointed it out i see how th.. read more
I love the love poem! Keep up the good work!

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thanks for the review:) i'm glad you liked it:) and you keep the good work up as well churro:)
Ashley G.

11 Years Ago

'kay, Tortilla.
marie

11 Years Ago

:)
Emotional and to the point - Love it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

Thanks for the review:)
I love how clear it is. No hidden meaning, just plain jane love poem. I love how it shows the speaker has been changed by this love for the other person, and how mutual they make it sound. Good job!

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

Thank you for the review:) and yes it has changed us both:)
this is so sweet! the emotion is clear and wonderful. great job ~em

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thank you so much:)
wow,
this is soo good
the emotion, love,trust and confidence you have in him
is just so wonderful and you have poured your heart out there for every single teenager to read.
its so beautiful how you express the feeling of falling in love i gues!
well writtem

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thank you:)
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Aly
I love it.
It is an absolute lovely poem :)

My only suggestion is

when you get to the part

"Can't believe"


In my mind I added "I can't believe"

just a suggestion. Great job! Keep writing!

Aly

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thank you for the review:)
This is a beautiful poem!! I love it :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thank you :) i'm glad you like it :)
My only suggestion would be completely optional, it's considered an authors choice. Some people prefer to keep I's capital but if you are not one of them, feel free to encourage baby i's. I think this is emotional and holds a lot of things. That is all I truly have to say about this piece. Nicely and eloquently penned.
Best regards,
Dell

Posted 11 Years Ago


marie

11 Years Ago

thanks for the suggestion i really just got lazy while writing it out, but i'll go back and fix it

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395 Views
10 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on January 3, 2013
Last Updated on January 3, 2013

Author

marie
marie

Laurel, MS



About
I have been away from this site for a while, hoping to get back into the swing of things. I recently turned 18 and have rediscovered my muse. If you wish to befriend me, please constructively review m.. more..

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