Drowning. just drowning.

this is my first poem :S and i wrote it when i had no one and nothing. :'( so.. here it goes ... *_*

I am a lonely person?
there are people around me
But the feeling of loneliness-
I'm drowning inside.

The people are talking

The birds are chirping
but no one can see me drowning
I'm suffocating with air.

scream for help?

will people still notice me?
they don't care, they don't know how it feels

how it feels to be alone.

to them I'm invisible

to them I'm dead

to them I'm drowning 

drowning in a pool of loneliness.

Reviews

[Rory CJ Frankson]

******************************************************************* All Stars **************************

[ drowning in a pool of loneliness ]... swim. Get to the solid ground and lay in the sun. Talk to yourself. Hey the void, is created and Loneliness is an emotion everyone fells exactly the same way. We are individuals and all are separate. Only in the difference is true alienation. Or the depth of loneliness suffered, can be chemical and stem from depression. Great... fodder, for poems. Everyone loves to read the pain of others! Like this here, I just read... marvellous, it makes me feel just plain horrible!

Thank you... I'll go shoot myself now ;) ha ha ha! Hey, I want you to try something and the next time, you fall that way. Open your heart and, look deep... and you know what? You'll find an Angel, there waiting for you. Just dying to be your personal friend. Has been storing up joy. Just for you! Wants to explain to you how beautiful and precious, you are! How well they know everything about you... well. good and bad. To them? No matter, they love you anyway! Love is to know that your beautiful, that you can ask them. To lend you sunshine, when your all dark. Ask and I bet within no time at all... someone, will hit on you and ask...

"Hey, how's it goin beautiful?" try it. What can it hurt?

******************************************************************* Give it a Whirl *****************

Romon in Review. 22/06/10. 8:17 Quesnel BC Canada Write On / Right On Ro...

[Alice_In_WhateverLand]

I liked this poem. i thought it was sad, and i can relate to that feeling of isolation. i think it's sad, that in the last stanza, people are aware of this person's feelings, yet aren't doing anything about it. good write.

[Unloved_kitty]

I really like this poem hun =]
I'm so proud of you lol xD
~x~

[Awaken the Sleepwalker]

I usually don't like poems that ask so many questions, but I really loved that. Keep up the good work!

[Corvus]

I love the way it's written, with just a small beam of hope nearly concealed by the dark tone. The comparisons between loneliness and drowning are magnificent.

Well done.

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