This Wandering Heart of Mine #2

alternate ending <3

I want to fall in love for just a day,

but then ride from him after a passionate kiss in the pouring rain

off into storm I'll mourn for my lost lover,

but then I'll just find myself another.

I want to fall in love with the city streets

find beauty in every swirling oil leak.

Then when I become to attached,

rip myself away and force my wings to flap.

I want to fall in love with the salty sea breeze

and lounge under shady palm trees

but then when the beauty of the sunset becomes too much

I'll fly until I can't feel the heat's lingering touch.

I want to fall in love with the Northern lights

and gaze at them for endless nights

until they've lost their luster and shine

and I'll soar away until they're no longer mine.

I want to fall in love with the land and the seas

but someday when my wings lose their feathers and my eyes lose their gleam,

I'll no longer be able to fly.

Just Stuck. Sedentary. Waiting to die.

I'll miss my lover,

and relive our kiss in the rain,

I'll miss the city with a smog cover,

and the sounds of whistling trains.

I'll miss the sunsets

painted in orange and red,

with many regrets,

I'll miss the green dancing lights overhead.

In my last days I'll have one wish in my heart,

That I could be immortal, never have to depart.

After I've seen everything in the world I could wait,

settle down for once, watch the world change.

In a few hundred years I'd have an entire new place to roam,

New things to love, new things to loath.

But I know I could never wait all that time,

my heart wouldn't allow it, this wandering heart of mine.

Author's Note

alternate ending, I couldn't decide which one I liked better, and I couldn't put them together. Which one do you like better?
reviews please!

Reviews

[Castonovia]

Of course this one, which is poetic and full of harmony with every line... being Immortal would be rather lovely indeed, but it seems patience and time are hard to find especially when you can explore different places through this time we're in now ;)

[soliloquy]

Nice ending here. It isnt too long. Your readers do not want to read for any long length. You have a nice style.

[Sophie]

thank you
I was just wondering what you meant by your second sentence?

[soliloquy]

Sometimes readers get bored....but your writing to good enough to want to continue reading. :0)

[Sophie]

oh, thank you! lol I'm a little slow today :P Not enough sleep

[Odayin]

I like them equal, and I'm not being indecisive either, it's just that they were so similarly different that I couldn't choose. They were both great really

[Falling Leaf.]

Well I had to pause and read your first draft to decide which ending I preferred. This one, in my opinion, is better than the previous one. Anyway, a great poem as a whole. No spelling issues, grammar errors, or hiccups of any kind. Nice visual words. A nice read.

Keep doing what you're doing,
Savannah

[Maan]

This one is far more better than the previous one. :)

[Dark and Mysterious]

definitely this one :)

[Lydia]

I think I like this one better, but both of them are amazing. I just think this ending is a bit more poetic and pretty.