Undecided

I wrote this in about five minutes, haha. Not very good, I guess, but I enjoyed writing it.

Immaculate in her ivory gown,

Her glowing face and flowery crown,

Felt himself falling, down, down, down.

Approached the altar, smiled

 

And in his suit of Sunday best

The tie off-centre of his chest

Her heart, it shifted, left, left, left

She knew it wasn’t right.

 

The man in black, with collar firm

His words familiar, voice so stern

Each syllable permeated, burned.

They put it to an end.

 

And so they left, gone hand in hand

The backwards music of the band.

“There Goes the Bride with the Best Man”

Not the tune we thought it’d be

 

Author's Note

Not really a "thinking piece". I wasn't going for imagery or intricacy. I like it; I think it's fun.

Reviews

[Bright Eyes]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS! First of all, I love the technical things: the rhyme scheme is ingenious. Also, the beat is crazy cool. It reminds me of iambic pentameter, but it's not quite a pentameter, but I read it in a pretty iambic way. Anyways, I think it is great (the best I've read today) and I love the last four lines.

[nora]

haha! this was really humerous xD
You weren't going for imagery? Well, you still had a good bit of it, with the description of the bride's gown and the dress of the priest and everything :)
Plus, the rhythm was really good, and fitting for the fun-aspect.
haha, keep it upp :D

Though you say you weren't going for imagery, you've got quite a good use of details.
The first line I especially liked.
Humorous.