Blaming Myself

Death is not the end, yet the beginning of me blaming myself for not being with you.

It's been over a decade since I had located you,
A simple twist of fate not even I knew
We then met and hung out together,
I was getting married and you would never
I had my children and then a divorce,
You always told me it was par for the course
I then ended up with a loving boyfriend,
You hung on tight to me staying my true friend
I built an over seven year life with the man of my dreams,
You were sitting by wanting to scream
I spent time with you for years and we smiled and had fun,
You hated me for leaving as I went back to the "one"
I talked with you daily and knew you were sick,
You wanted me to come back to visit and spend time as that was the trick
I fell into your arms with a hug and a smile,
You figured that would make me stay with you forever or at least a while
I walked out that morning and headed home as I can't forget,
You constantly remind me that I screwed up our friendship....are you happy yet??
Keeping in contact we laughed and you would yell,
The fighting wasn't real as you knew how to tug on my heart strings and that's how I fell
I would dust myself off and tell you I was in love with another,
You never heard me speak those words my dear and kept thinking I was YOUR lover
I love you indeed and I shall do that forever,
Too bad I wasn't IN love with you as now you are leaving and our relationship is suffering as you shall go off to die in another state to simply escape me and know that I shall continue to suffer and blame myself for the rest of eternity, stopping NEVER.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Poem told a sad story. My father left kids without caring what happen to them. A caring and kind heart will built bridges back one day. Children will learn life is not always perfect. There are more reason then a young person need to understand. A powerful poem and I hope the ending will one day be a good one.
Coyote

[Mari Sloan]

Damn. I REMEMBER life like that. (Silent SCREAM.)

[deeps]

But you shouldn't blame yourself that is a real tough road to follow.
I used to live on that road. I blames myself for years for my grandma
and dad dying. It took me some 20 years to tell mytself it wans't my fault.
This is a well written write and full of emotion