The Scent of Death

A girl has fallen into the waters of despair after the one she loved turned her world into deathly visions.

She looks out at the world from her tear stained window, in search of something more in life than the crazed

dreams his song offered her in return for the affection she gave to him.  He whom she thought was her handsome

prince turned out to be the disease of the mind.  For now Liza can only see the bare tree that used  to be full in

bloom and once washed away the wounds of her soul, now stands there like a sword waiting to pierce her heart

once more.  She picks up the lifeless rose he planted in her hair and dressed her essence with the scent of death

that has now become her.  She rubs it against her face while crushing it with her fingers, and then massages the

crumbled pieces all over her flesh.  Her eyes turn to the picture of herself with her one time love.  Liza then picks it

up and rubs the remains of the rose all over his image.

She walks outside onto her porch, runs down the steps, all the way across the street to the cemetry.  Strikes a

match, burns the picture and lets it fall next to his tombstone where beneath the earth, his body now lies with hers

embraced in one another's arms forever.

Author's Note

What do you think of the prose?

Reviews

[THERISA]

Wow. To have loved so deeply and still be emotionally bounded, after death, is what epics are written about. Of love lost and found at the end. Thank you for sharing this very emotional and romantic poem.

[Jeff Miller]

Amazing job!

[Kayla_May]

very emotional i liked it alot it almost made me cry =]

[GirlPower66]

The prose was excellent. Great imagery too =)

[RyannCarrie]

i really like this. I especially loved the ending.
" Strikes a
match, burns the picture and lets it fall next to his tombstone where beneath the earth, his body now lies with hers
embraced in one another's arms forever."
So emotional.
great work

[Spit_and_Prayers]

Ooo, I really like what you've done with it. You've extended it into a fully formed scene now, a window which the reader can look through and she the world through the narrator's mind. I love what you've done with the imagery of the rose, and the last line, wow, that is powerful stuff. This is why I keep coming back for more. Keep writing, and I'll keep reading.

[Spit_and_Prayers]

This poem possesses some good imagery especially the lines:

"For now Liza can only see the bare tree that
used to be full in
bloom and once washed away the wounds of her heart, now stands there like a sword waiting
to pierce her heart"

Though I think the doubling of the word heart should be avoided. I really like the premise and style of the piece, but I think it needs to be taken further. Not quite enough emotion had be generated yet to become the scent of death. Just my thoughts.

[Just Cat]

I really like this piece, it very relatable for me.
I like the split sentences, it kinda adds to the feel.
The despair feels really strong in this and I love the metaphor of man being a disease.
(By the way, I think any piece of writing is prose, as long as its got sentences/paragraphs in it)
Really nice work
(p.s. thnaks for my review)

[Lapierre]

I already have a fancy for prose but I really enjoyed this. Its very well done and has a macabre feel to it I really like. The comparison of the man to "a disease of the mind" through metaphor is really strong. Though, I'm not sure this is actually prose. As I understand it, prose must have a more casual paragraph-esque from to it. You might want to check.
But either way its a very well done and enjoyable peace.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

You know I love prose poetry and you do it so well... that ending was heart stopping... you have a way of making the emotions jump right off the page... I could feel the loneliness and despair like it was my own.