A Stranger's WordsA Story by John Stussy
It wasn’t the stubble that speckled his jaw line, nor was it the way he leaned against the railing of the bridge, cigarette tipped down as he deftly flicked it, ashes tumbling into the empty air to fall somewhere into the bay below. I couldn’t quite put my mind on it, but there was a touch of age to him, even if he couldn’t be older than his mid-thirties. He gazed off, away to the east, seeming to be wherever it was he was looking than here in San Fran. “Kael, you do know, right?” Her sweet voice brought my attention right back to her. We had been boarding along, and Lisa went into one of her quieter moods. The brown hair that framed her strong features was dulled by the way her eyes shone, a matching yet intensified brown. We had been friends growing up, toughened each other up the whole time. I had harbored feelings for her since the fourth grade, and here we were, both of us twenty years old. I still hadn’t brought myself to telling her how much she meant to me, for fear of seeming weak to her. That was why I was so shocked when she started opening up to me and told me the depth of her caring. I had zoned out, thinking of the possible implications of what she was saying, and trying to find a way for it to make sense in a way that I wouldn’t get my hopes up. “I care so much about you, more than you know. Just wanted you to know that, and that I’ve been feeling a way I have never felt before. It’s an adventure, sharing this friendship with you.” “I know, I treasure our friendship immensely as well. There’s never been a friend as cool as you.” I smiled a winning smile, and our hands touched for the briefest moment. The cars sped by, their back drafts tossing her hair before her face. I brushed her hair aside, looked into her eyes. I swear I had never seen a smile as radiant as hers before, and the way she made my heart feel so complete was a thing of wonder for me. I had never known this. Smiling sheepishly, I wrapped my arm around her waist and we looked out into the water below. Her head rested on my shoulder, and I could feel her whole body relax, and minutes dragged on in a blissful eternity. My heart completely stopped at her next words. Barely whispered, I could hardly believe I heard her right. If it hadn’t been for the strength she exudes in all things, her confidence as sure as the treading steps of a panther, I would have mistaken the words for a stray gust of wind. “I love you.” I didn’t know how to respond, it hit me that hard. How could I voice it back, the words that take such courage and conviction to say with full meaning? All I did was nod, and started forming some sort of intelligible response to this simple statement. We remained as we were for a few more minutes. She moved closer to me, and uttered a sigh. “Time for us to head our separate ways. I have dance in an hour, and you still have that skate routine you were going to put together.” Her face showed no sign of sadness over my lack of a response, in fact she was back to her normal self. I nodded, and she stepped on her board and started off in the other way. I watched her until she was out of sight, still trying to form a response in my head. “You’d best fix that mistake when you can boy.” His voice startled me. Quiet but resolute, he had no trouble catching my attention. I walked over to him, stood next to him. The quiet strength he held emanated from him, making everything else seem to stand out. Still he seemed older, but I couldn’t figure out why. He looked down into the water, not making eye contact. His black curls fell over his eyes, a mane that seemed to fit him somehow. He grinned, twirling a fresh unlit cigarette between his fingers. “It was only blatantly obvious how you feel towards her, you should have just said it. No use hiding the words.” I grinned sheepishly, eyes lowered. “It seems out of character for the both of us, to be given in to that sentiment. I know, I should have said something but I can’t say those words.” I leaned on the railing and shrugged. “Can’t help who we are.” The man chuckled and turned to face me. A good natured grin and gentle face met me, with eyes that were deep brown, eyes that studied rather than stared. Those eyes seemed to have seen much, and still somehow maintained a mischievous glint to them. He lifted his cigarette to his lips and lit it, took a long draw then looked down, thinking for a moment. He met my gaze again, and with a half-smile, spoke once again. “Well, I know how much younger folks dislike the speeches of older people like myself, so I’ll give you the choice. Want the upfront words, a pat on the back with good wishes, or do you want to sit through the long and arduous tale of my own woes, which will in all likelihood bore you to death?” I already liked the man, his grin put me at ease and was rather contagious. Besides, I was curious to hear someone else’s life story so I could stop thinking about my own complications. I waved a hand for him to proceed, and he took a long, slow draw on his cigarette. The tip of the Marlboro glowed, and he cleared his throat. “I was your age not too long ago, about fifteen years ago from the look of you. Nineteen. Good old stupid age. Life had tossed its punches at me, and I’d lived. Nothing too serious, just enough to make changes. But that happens with everyone at some point. I wanted to be alone at the time, was quite content being a lone wolf in society’s melting pot of culture and whatnot. If I had to have been with a woman, I wanted a gal who was confident enough to tell me to back down when I was doing something stupid, which was more often than I would have liked to admit at the time. I wanted someone brave enough to expose my own mistakes to me.” He looked to the east again, the smile gone, replaced by a look that revealed nothing at all. His cigarette hung at his fingertips, temporarily forgotten. He sighed, then continued. “When the gal who happened to be exactly that came about I wasn’t prepared. I was too busy pursuing isolation, anger, destruction. A friendship with her changed that into something else, brought me wisdom, courage, resolution. I was too stupid to realize what was before me, and I ended up losing it, because she opened herself to me. She let down her walls and allowed me to come close. I made a stupid move, seems to be a trademark for me, I failed to tell her how I felt about her, the complete truth. Well, I’ve been paying for it, I still feel it without any doubt. That, boy, is the one regret I wish I could repair in my life more than any other.” His shoulders sagged slightly, and I nodded, taking in what he said. His leather jacket shielded him from a blast of wind from a passing semi truck that my tee shirt failed to protect me from, and I shivered. He paid no mind to it whatsoever. After taking a look at the cigarette, seemingly disgusted with it, as if it had wronged him, he flicked it away, only half smoked. “Ah well, been sliding downhill since, can’t get enough of a grip on my surroundings either to stop the slide. The world is closed to me. There’s a mental film between it and I, a sheet that can be seen through but not pushed through. Once again I relish self destruction, the endangerment of myself. Care is gone and now I take what pleasure I can from the slow means of dying I can find.” He gripped the railing, looked past it, then lifted himself up to sit on it precariously. He swung his legs back and forth, not seeming to mind the fatal drop below him. “Look kid, call me a selfish man. I’ll admit you’re right, because I am nothing more than that. But I can’t let someone else go through this, this road isn’t the way for everyone else to follow. Love will do this to you. A gap can be opened that will be too wide for anyone or anything to traverse, and it will keep growing, swallowing the land at your feet until it finally swallows you. It can make a man barren of anything, though he may be surrounded by paradise.” With this admonishment the man lowered himself onto the other side of the rail, hanging on with a relaxed grip and standing on the edge of the bridge. “It can also be the best thing to happen to you, despite the hardships. You have to let yourself be what you see now as weakness. It’s through this you gain strength, through the trust in the one who is so dear to you. She has seen this, and she is gambling with it herself. Don’t let this pass you by boy, it will be worth the gamble. Can you afford to lose it all?” He winked, and turned around, facing the bay without another word. I stood behind him, staring as well. I thought about what he said. Started to turn my board towards home and got ready to kick off. “Nuh-uh, wrong way. Better catch her before she changes her mind boy, women tend to do that.” The smile was back, and he winked, gesturing the other way. “What are you waiting for? Get to it!”
© 2009 John StussyFeatured Review
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Added on May 28, 2009Last Updated on November 6, 2009 Author
John StussyAZAboutCook, writer, reader, musician. I don't bte, unless asked to or bitten first. My site's link is to some recordings of my poetry, and I might add some recordings of me playing my sax onto there too... more..Writing
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