If someone were to come up to me and ask why did I fall in love with a guy like him? It wasn’t his looks that got my attention, it wasn’t that he had money or not.
No, it was his heart. Even though we did end things pretty bad. I do want him to know to keep that beautiful heart of his for the next special girl. He had a heart and even though many people came up to me and told me all these awful things, it never stopped me from seeing his true beauty. He had a heart that never gave up on someone, even though he should have in the first place. He had a heart that was caring and lovable, even though to him it didn’t seem like it. He knew how to make someone smile, when he saw the fear and sadness in their eyes, even though his eyes were carrying the same message. He put people first, when he should have put himself first.
And that’s the good thing about him, even though he was struggling himself. He didn’t want to put it out there for everyone to know. No, he was a solider himself, he was fighting an unknown battle that no one ever knew about, unless he let you in.
So no I didn’t use him to play around with his feelings. I would never do that to a person, whatever happened… happened. People tend to fall in love without even realizing it and when you do, you don’t know what to do. I guess that’s the situation i was in, I didn’t know what to do when I fell for him, I just saw a lot of beauty in him, because I know he had something beautiful about him. Something that he will figure out later in life.
I never meant to hurt a beautiful soul. I had no intention in hurting anyone, I just didn’t understand the feelings I was having. Like I said things happen. And I just want you to know that I do apologize and I want you to know that you have such a beautiful heart, even though there are times where you feel like your the worst person in the world because of the mistakes you have made, but honestly we’re human, none of us are perfect. Don't let your past self, define your future self, because you can always make yourself the person you've always wanted to be. I hope when you find that girl, she will see the beauty that you carry, she will look past all your scars and mistake and find you to be perfect in her eyes.
I don’t know why I wrote this, but I felt like it was one thing I needed to take off my chest, one thing that just needed to be said. It was the beauty, the care, the love, the gentleness, the strength he carried even though he was struggling, that got me to fall for him. But life has moved on and it seems he has made many accomplishments and I’m so proud of him whether he knows it or not.
I should have closed this chapter a long time ago, but I guess I just needed to say a few things before I did. And that poem Permanent Scar, it really is true.
Goodbye to this chapter, time to take a breath and start writing my new chapter.
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Added on March 24, 2016