My Surrender

Another seven days of the same s**t.

Add that to the other twenty one,

When the resentment began to bite

And making up is no longer fun.

 

Days spent stockpiling my ammo

Finding the allies to take my side.

The next time I will be ready to go

As I make you pay for all I cried.

 

As you walk through that door

You're packing arsenal, too.

I just hope I am carrying more

And better trained than you.

 

I let you have the first shot.

I let you step  up close in my face.

Tears welling , feeling so hot

Sadness takes my angry place.

 

In your eyes, behind my reflection,

I see a light through the haze.

I recognize your affection,

From those those beginning days.

 

Quick agile motion your lips on mine,

The tears on my cheeks belong to you.

I didn't expect you so quickly to resign...

Or is this a cleverly planned coup.

 

Pulling back to say what I planned,

But I can't, and wouldn't, if I could.

Trying hard to keep this in my command.

But, oh my God, your lips taste so good

 

You whisper, "Can't you let me love you?"

"Do you have make me so mad?" I reply

I can feel my strategies begin to crumble

As he says "For you, I would readily die."

Reviews

[desertraven]

Ah, don't ya just hate it when that happens? I mean, you got a perfect plan set and ready...then WHAM! the opposition pulls out the big guns... you conveyed that situation clearly, where others , if they had not already been in that position themselves, felt what it would be like. Well done.
Sandra

[Pakino]

Giving up is quite tragic.

"Another seven days of the same s**t.

Add that to the other twenty one,

When the resentment began to bite

And making up is no longer fun."


Good stanza.

[Jet Lag]

ah, passion! it swings so violently from one side to the other!

this is wonderful:
Another seven days of the same s**t.
I can add that to the other twenty one,
When the resentment began to bite
And making up was no longer fun.


as well as this:
As you walk through the front door
I know you're packing arsenal, too.
I just hope I am carrying more
And better trained than you


well done and i love the topic!

[Jaclyn]

And here you were so ready to duke it out. :) I liked it. I'm out of words tonight, but I did indeed enjoy it.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

this is an amazing write Tamme... I really enjoyed it.

[Tania Leigh]

A happy ending, good for you :-) He was truly disarming, but always keep your weapons close by....and always, always take that last line seriously when someone speaks it....trust me on that

Good write, Tamme

[Emily B]

oh, you've described it so well. Wanting to hurt the other so badly. Wanting to win. I like the ending. . .

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A wonderful write Tamme.....I enjoyed this piece a lot!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Ahh, yes when you are best prepared, finally, to take on that one who seems to have become an enemy you find yourself melting back into their arms. Well handled and penned. Thank you for sharing. Nice write.
Light,
Siddartha

[Raef C. Boylan]

The warring analogy is really well handled here; this piece is flawless.
It's unusual for me to enjoy/admire such a structured rhyme scheme, but I did. You deftly avoided cliched phrases and it helped carry the [smooth] flow rather than being a distraction.
Basically, this is a complex relationship scenario told in a skilfully poetic way.
Great job. Thanks for sharing this with me.

[Rain]

Wow..
What a tangeled mess. Well written. I could feel the tension. But, it has the ring of the end. Both ready to unload. One tires for a second, which makes the other hold her fire, but no-one lays their gun down, really. It felt that it could explode in an instant. No-one should live like that. This is a powerful piece, because it represents fifty percent of all reltionships. I hope it isn't you..but Rain..