Silence

Who says you cant?

She was driving on a long road. A long never ending road lit by the silvery moon. There was deathly silence. Monstrous memories flashed in her mind while she continued to drive in the silence. She thought about how she used to cry tears of mascara in her bathroom; how she went to bed every night, secretly wishing that she would never wake up; how her dreams shattered in front of her tear filled eyes; how she battled every day to pursue her passion, and smirked. That was the past and she was tired of the past.

    She saw the majestic trees that were lining the road and wondered how beautiful the present was. But it was not beautiful enough to make her forget her ugly past, because her past was unforgettable, or rather undeniable. She wished to silence her past, but the memories kept partying in her mind. It was a party where everyone was in screaming color and she was all blue. There was a smile of the present in her crimson lips and pain of the past in her ocean blue eyes.

The road was never ending, so was her memories. They kept flashing one after the other and she wanted to scream. The road was silent but her mind was screaming. Screaming to stop the bitter memories; screaming to get some peace. She precisely remembered of how they forced her to quit; of how they made her feel ashamed to be a woman; of how they silenced her every time by telling that it was a man’s thing and that she was a girl.

The silence was broken by a honk. She heard her once favorite song played on the radio. She switched it off because it reminded her of her past. She wanted to cut off everything that reminded her of her bitter past. Nobody knew where she was driving in the dead of the night, except her. She knew she was driving towards her past, to prove them wrong. She knew she was driving to make her parents feel proud to have stood at her back, when the whole world was turning their backs to her. She continued to drive in the silence. In the silence of her brand new Lamborghini.

 

     

Author's Note

Drop your honest review, and help me improve.

Reviews

[JayG]

Well, you did ask, so you have only yourself to blame for this 🤪

Here's the thing: You're thinking in terms of story, plot, and explanations, but story isn't what happens. Story lives in the aspirations and struggles of the protagonist. It lives in their heart, not in a chronicle of what happens. When was the last time you read a history, or a report for entertainment? If you read a romance you aren't seeking to know that the protagonist feels love. You want the writing to make YOU fall in live, for the same reasons the protagonist does. And to do that you need to know the scene as she or he does, complete with their understandings AND misunderstandings. It's the character, not the events that make a story live.

At the bottom, I link to an article on viewpoint. Notice that the story, and the things that make you care what happens lie not in what can be seen, but in what's perceived means to THAT character.

As storytellers we don't deal in truth and fact. We deal in perception and mis-perception. We don't act on what the truth, we act on what we believe is true, or convenient, or simply what we want. Given that, how can the reader follow what happens, and have context if they don't know the situation as the protagonist does, misunderstandings, biases and all?

Take a simple line: "Monstrous memories flashed in her mind while she continued to drive in the silence."

Given that at this point I don't know the smallest thing about her, even her name, what's a "monstrous" memory TO HER. Do you think I—someone who knows nothing about the setting or the character, your intent for the scene, or even what planet this takes place on—will take the same meaning from that word as you assigned her?More to the point, as a reader, why would I care what she's thinking about if I don't know why?

Remember, all I have is what the words suggest to ME, based on what's happened so far, and what the words suggest, based on MY background, not yours.,

The short version: At the moment, like most hopeful writers, you're using the writing skills you were given in school. But think of how many stories you were assigned to write, compared to reports and essays. It's a tiny fraction, right? They made you really practiced in writing reports and essays because that's what our future employers need us to know. They want the writing we do on the job to explain and inform. But...we read fiction to be entertained, a very different goal, which requires very different methodology. And since our school days gave us not even the knowledge that such skills exist, you can see what must be done.

Writing fiction is fun. Living it as we write is even more fun than talking about it So devour a few good books on the tricks that the pros take for granted. Given where you stand today, I'd suggest you begin with Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It's a warm easy read, like talking with Deb about writing.

You can pick it up at any online bookseller. But before you do, take a look at the article I link to, below, to get a better feel for how placing the reader into the protagonist's viewpoint can draw the reader in. You might want to dig into the other articles there, to get a feel for the issues you need to spend time mastering.
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/the-grumpy-writing-coach-8/

And here's something to keep in mind: Nothing I said has to do with good or bad writing, or even talent. It's all about the learned part of our profession. So if you learn to write just a little better each day, and live long enough...

Hang in there, and keep-on-writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/