Secrets

I'm writing you this letter
So my life is not a lie
I'm writing you this letter
So that I may say goodbye
Please don't shed any tears
This is what I want
Life is too hard
Its not your fault
I'm in need of a friend
Someone who will help me through
I'm in need of someone who was as good to me as you

I look down at the yellow tiles
I trace the orange petals with my eyes
The bucket is on the floor next to the toilet
I'll be right out turns into on of my biggest lies
I feel a breeze from the window
And close the vent that resides in its center
The snow is glistening in the moonlight
Such a lonely winter..

I pull down the shade
It wraps around itself like an old scroll
There's footsteps, loud and strong, coming from down the hall
Shhh
Deep breaths

The paint on the wall is flaking
Like my sanity, it withers away
There's a voice inside my head that keeps telling me to stay
It wreaks of urine
Hair clogs the drain on the floor
I'm going to do this
Lock the door

I retrieve the ammonia
And pour it into the bucket of bleach
The room is small and the maximum capacity of one has been reached
Something comes out of the bucket
A cloud of gas
Finally something will carry me home
Freedom alas

The room starts to fill
My lungs start to burn
It's taking so long
Death is all I yearn

What if someone found me
What if I break their heart
Maybe I shouldn't do this
It could tear them apart
So I dump out my concoction
And I walk away
No one ever found out
And I lived another day