On the Swing Sets at NightA Story by Anonymous Me
Without my wings, i feel so small
But it’s so hard to at night. At night, when I can feel the phantom warmth of your lips to my neck. At night, when I can hear your hot whisper in my hear. I love you, you say a thousand times. At night, when I can’t help but believe in the tricks that my tired mind is playing on me. At night, when I feel your arms wrapped around my waist and we sway where we stand, caught in between the stillness of our bodies and the dancing inside of our hearts and our eyes. At night, when I see feel your hands searching for me in the dark and I feel a steamy blush tickle my cheeks. I try to push you away and out of my mind; but there is where you will forever reside and I love you too much to evict you from your home.
My mind kicks and screams, resistant because it knows that it will wake to another day without you by my side. I stumble out of my bed, trying desperately to leave you behind but the memory of you follows my steps as I tiptoe down the hallway and wrap a blanket around my shoulders in protection. My shaken fingers struggle with the doorknob and finally it turns beneath my hand and a gust of cold air brushes past to take my place as I step outside. The sky is dark and it falls in around me as I walk barefoot across the gravel, the pebbles rolling beneath the pressure of my heels. Tiny grains of soil cling to my toes and find their place in the crevices of my skin. I stand, growing numb to the pleas of my feet as they beg for shoes. I feel the night coiling around me and taste the blood on my nervously bitten lips. It’s silky and smooth, feelings and textures that have lost all of their pleasure in my eyes.
I reach out both my arms and allow my fingers to curl around the thick strands of the cool metal. My hands tighten around the chains until I feel a digging pain, hoping and praying that it will be enough to make me stop feeling everything else. My head falls forward on my neck as if I have suddenly lost the strength"no, the will"to hold it up and I know that it is not sudden at all. I know that I hadn’t had it all along.
I turn and slide into the rubber seat, taking in that sharp paranoid breath that always comes when my toes first lose their feeling of the ground beneath them. I try to dwell on the fear, pulling it up beside the forced pain from the icy chains and swirling the insecurity and the hurt around in my mind in an effort to drown out everything else.
All I want is to forget.
I kick at the air. Back and forth. Back and forth. I sway, my body rocking to the beat of the squeaking chains. Back and Forth. Back and forth. Slowly, I am elevated and the fear is gone and all that I breathe and all that I feel is the cool night air against my cheeks. I let out a laugh and cherish the sound, though it is not as precious as the newfound knowledge that, somehow, I will find a way to fly without you.
© 2012 Anonymous Me
Abouti have a lot of things to write here but none that I feel that you really need to know. I guess i can tell you that i love to write. It's the only time when i am truly forthcoming. I've been told that.. more..