The Storm

Rivers flow freely

Winds move slow at first

A thousand hearts march into the melee

A barred window presenting a world barely seen

A blade thirsting for blood it wants...

Winds come quickly now

A storm is coming...

A blade waits to see blood start running

A thousand hearts torn to the ground

Never meant to be found

The storm brews and brews

Rivers flow faster, 

Coming down like waterfalls

Winds howl louder than wolves keening to the moon

Knowing they'll never be heard at all

A thousand hearts cut down in an unseen battlefield

A blade tastes the blood it needs

The blade with no master

A barred window presenting an escape

A thousand hearts find a new route to take

Winds begin to slow

The storm has gone

Rivers flow calmly

Winds moving on

And the girl falls asleep

Author's Note

I feel like this one needs desperate help. Sort of threw it together.

Reviews

[PoeticSorcery]

whether it needs help or not, it's still good. you've got potential to say the least. keep working at your art, you might surprise yourself.

[Tessa Melendez]

Thank you so much for your kindness :)

[PoeticSorcery]

every now and then I let a little slip through lol. you're welcome.

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Like Darian B. said, the sort of scattered feel of this poem fits the theme. The last line brings a whole new dimension to this piece. This one felt really intense. As always, great imagery.

On a side note, I see you wrote quite a chunk of poems lately and I really enjoy your poems. Thank you for sharing them with us. :)

[Tessa Melendez]

Thank you very much. I hope you saw this piece as a good one. But, as I said, I think it needs something more and I haven't figured that out.

[Marcus Sergiu David]

Maybe you could try expanding on that "a barred window presenting an escape", detailing what is the thing that the person is trying to escape from, but I'm not sure, really. I quite like it the way it is :)

[Tessa Melendez]

Okay. Thank you for your ideas.

[Marcus Sergiu David]

My pleasure :)

[William Liston]

I enjoyed reading this piece. I assume that it's about a girl cutting herself to death, and the raging storm outside is kinda a metaphor for her internal feelings (please feel free to delete this review if my interpretation was correct and you want to keep the meaning a secret). Whether I'm right or wrong, I still like this piece. This is a poem that I felt more than I understood. It's kinda like listening to a stranger crying; even though you probablly won't know what he/she is crying about, their weeps will probably still affect you in some way.

Based on your author's note, you want a technical review, so can you please tell me what you don't like about this piece. I'll gladly help you improve it, that is, if you want me to.

-William Liston

[Tessa Melendez]

You have the meaning kind of right. It's not the girl cutting herself to death. It's simply losing herself in the pain of her emotions and cutting skin for the release of that pain.

I feel like this piece needs something more. I feel like it was too thrown together and scattered. I don't know. It just feels like it needs work.

[An owl on the moon]

Wondering of the storms, of the battles, of these rivers of blood. What makes me wonder of the depth of your words is the last line, as she falls asleep. There is this fierce stress of a war of the world within the mind. What a powerful piece, vivid and dark.

[Tessa Melendez]

Everything resembles something in this piece, whether or not you catch on is completely up to your methods of processing it. The girl falling asleep is your hint that this piece is not what it seems. Thank you for your review.

[An owl on the moon]

I think the hint is the perfect unveiling, the perfect secret key to the deeper doorway of you.

[Tessa Melendez]

I'm glad you think so. But, I feel like the poem needs something more....

[Inject Positivity]

My analysis of this poem is that you are comparing the storm of nature with the life of a human being who is getting emotionally/mentally drained... I believe you were trying to convey some inner meaning with it, which can left a motivational message like "as the storm ends similarly the storm in heart heart calms down" for the reader... I think your ending can be more exciting if you continue the intensity of the storm and the concept of blade brining blood, how she felt and then somehow create the ending with a message... That's what I think... But I am impressed by the way you have presented it at first draft, just a bit of input of ideas will make it more perfect to your intent...

Sincerely
Dhiman

[Tessa Melendez]

I don't know how to do the thing you are suggesting, but I might figure something out in time.

[Darian B.]

It does feel a little scattered and its not completely clear what is going on at all times, but I think that actually really works for this piece. Because you are talking about a storm, the scattered feel fits. As the storm picks up and gets stronger, the words become more chaotic. When the storm settles, so too do your words. Now this may just be me, but it also feels like this storm is very much connected to the girl. Perhaps an inner storm? To me, the fact that you leave that a tad unclear adds even more to the poem because it leaves the reader questioning the chaos of the storm. I really did enjoy this poem tremendously! I don't think it needs much changing at all.

[Tessa Melendez]

I feel like it needs more work. I meant for it to be like one of those poems that doesn't really flow, but is interesting to listen to as it is read. I feel like something needs to be added, maybe to the end, maybe scattered throughout. There is supposed to be an implied thing to it, a message, something else that is actually happening if you read it closely. I just don't know how to make it a little clearer. But, you are on the right track. ;)