Breathe

Breathe

A Poem by Tessa Melendez
"

When you are struggling to deal with pain.

"
So many times I've felt broken within
Wanted to let the tears roll down my face
But, I told myself that would be a sin,
Wait until I find a private place
Until then...Breathe

In...Out...

(Throughout the years...)
As ignorant people shouted in my face that I was ugly,
Told me to kill myself,
Couldn't keep their opinions to themselves,
No matter the comment
I told myself to take a moment...
Close my eyes, 
And Breathe

In...Out...

Watching the boy I secretly loved with someone else,
Knowing I was nothing to him
Quietly letting my tears spill
No matter the intensity of the pain
Always staying quiet as it drove me insane
Remembering to breathe
Breathe and stay sane

In...Out...

Spending nine months with my first love
Struggling on and off with his first love
Feeling inferior compared to her at all times
Always thinking he'd go back to her for another try
Trying to believe him
He loves me, not her
But, deep within, I knew he still loved her
And I was right
Making my chest feel so tight
"Just try to breathe"
As tears came to my eyes
Breathe...

In...Out...

As I let him go
My heart aching and breaking
Tears burning to roll
"Breathe...in...out..."
Until you're home and alone
But fate would not have it

In...Out...

As I think of the two hearts I broke
The times I shouldn't have spoken
Breathe

In...Out...

As I face lectures from my parents,
Telling me things I know all too well,
But, I know my wisdom is not always apparent
Where it comes from, I will never tell
Listening on and off
Frustration spreading its ugly wings,
Taking off
Remember to breathe
You're not allowed to speak

In...Out...

As three boys admit they only want sex from me
Not quite giving up as I tell them it's not going to be that easy
Doing what they're willing and able to do in hopes of getting there
Two of them don't even really care
And I know they will not be the last
Many more years have yet to pass
More will likely tell me they want my body
And as I face them, I will remember to breathe
For this is the curse of youthful beauty in one's body
To be seen without truly being seen

In...Out...

As shyness locks my jaw
Unable to speak to the ones I feel for sometimes
To release the words my heart whispers to my mind too often,
Making me wonder if - perhaps - my heart is too big for me
Even after being ripped apart so much
Sometimes with one touch,
One horrible word,
One little action,
"Remember to breathe."

In...Out...

As I admit my feelings
And have my hopes for a live torn away
By two different people
Leaving me reeling
Realizing they each said the same thing
Hoping to salvage something of me
Making the destruction so much worse the second time
Leaving me wishing to die
No longer wanting to try
Even after remembering to breathe
In and out like always
Because...if what they said was true
Why is it they don't feel the same?

In...Out...

As I sit in the back of the car,
Leaving the scene of my latest heartbreak
Having heard those crushing words a second time
Still feeling that fresh ache
Remembering to breathe
I'm not in that private place
Not yet...

In...Out...

Looking out the window,
Clenching my jaw,
Praying for the pain to go
Leave me alone
"Just breathe"

In...Out...

Closing my eyes
Dropping my head to my chest with a sigh
The scene replaying itself in my mind:
Admitting my feelings,
His laugh,
My inability to look him in the eye,
His words as he turned me down,
The feeling of my heart beginning to drown,
Hearing those crushing words,
"Breathe. Hold it down and breathe."
Walking away after he hugged me,
Forcing a smile that wasn't real
Breathe

In...Out...

Leaving the light off as I prepare for a shower,
Calm breathing losing its power,

(Shakily) In...Out...

Stepping into the water,
Sinking to the floor,
My sobs lost in the water's roar,
Knees drawn to my chest,
Tears running down the drain,
And I know I might never be the same.

(Shakily) in...Out...

Leaning against the shower walls,
Unable to ever again stand tall,
Curling into a ball,
Why did I have to fall?

(Shakily) In...Out...

Eyes closed for minutes on end,
The tears didn't seem to end,
The water muffling my gasps:
"I don't wanna live anymore. I don't wanna live anymore."
Over and over,
Endlessly,
Not knowing how long it lasted

(Gasping) In...Out...

When I think it's over...
Standing once more...
Though not as tall...
Still whispering the same words over and over,
Tears continue to fall,
All because my heart was torn once more,

(Shakily) In...Out...

Leaning against the wall,
Water no longer muffling me,
Unable to see
I whisper to God:
"Listen to me please"
"Just this once,"
"Kill me.  End it all"
"At least, destroy my heart so I may feel nothing at all."

(Shakily) In...Out...

Footsteps sound in the hall,
I silence it all,
Eyes still closed
My face against the shower wall,
Silence.
The tears finish their fall

In...Out...

I remember his words:
"I have feelings for someone else."
"Who?"
"Someone who doesn't know I exist."
He loves someone who doesn't love him
Just like me...
"Remember to breathe."

(Shakily) In...Out...

Shaking as I pound my fist against the wall,
Trying hard not to cry
Still, tears fall into the sink,
Still I shake,
Keeping my sobs at bay,
And I know I'll never look at him the same way,
Maybe never be able to look at him at all
Why did I have to fall?

Just...Breathe...
In...Out...
Breathe...And keep the tears at bay...
In...Out...Close your eyes...
Breathe...Because, we all know it may never be okay.


© 2017 Tessa Melendez



Author's Note

Tessa Melendez
Wrote this based on the inspiration I found trying to keep myself together after the boy turned me down in the back of my parents' car. Just focusing on breathing to stay calm. I wrote this a little while later, after the break down I described at the end. Took my two hours and four pieces of paper, front and back. No real editing of censoring. Just poured it out in the numbness afterward. Longest poem I ever wrote and probably the most raw and real one. Comments and criticisms are welcomed. :) :/

My Review

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Reviews

there is nothing more painful than the realization that the one you fell for is in love with someone else and the rejection from that person
And if you need to face that person on regular basis in life nothing can be more torture than that..
Breathe in and out …is a very good way to keep control of the situation..
But it feels so heavy at that point of time to keep a tab on your tears..
Learn never to compromise yourself for the people who will not value you,
They never know our true worth that is the reason they hurt us,
Someone worthy of your heart will find you , keep faith… it’s easy for us every time to think if we dint have heart we will no more suffer…
But we should learn to love our self first , I have come to realize it over the years… I was just like you who wanted to save myself for the right one..and had lot of heart breaks on the journey..but now when i look back they are just memories of good and bad times,
Never give up on yourself… be strong and have faith in you.
Learn to say you love yourself and that you are the most beautiful creation of the almighty ….
go get your self icecream... a good yummy cup cakes... go hug your parents, spend time with them...

One day for sure I believe we will learn to love us…then we will never let others take advantage of us…Be strong girl…
You have long way to go…. And tell yourself everyday your life is not worth wasting on anyone else… or for broken heart…. Let go breath in and out
Have a blessed day young lady , stay calm and strong & beautiful !


Posted 8 Months Ago


Tessa Melendez

8 Months Ago

Thank you for all your wisdom Ria. It's very helpful of you to include advice and words of wisdom f.. read more
Galadriel

8 Months Ago

Sorry dear just felt like letting you know about it...was not my plan on advising :) keep smiling
Such a painful glimpse beyond the surface into the depths of you, and how your words make me ache. I have felt those cuts and asked those questions to the heavens, and I know you have such a precious heart so the cuts only go deeper. You say this is raw, so real, and in that it is so overwhelming, dear poet.

Posted 9 Months Ago


Tessa Melendez

8 Months Ago

Thank you for your review, friend. I just felt that it should be left raw and real. I censor my po.. read more
An owl on the moon

8 Months Ago

I do understand, and am glad that you were able to release all those feelings. This is one of the pl.. read more

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Added on December 4, 2016
Last Updated on September 24, 2017

Author

Tessa Melendez
Tessa Melendez

Bear, DE



About
I am 16 years old and have been writing since I was 12 years old. I prefer to write stories that are relatively long because, short stories just don't happen for me. :) I also like doing sci-fi/sup.. more..

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