Venting

There has been so much in my head that I wish to put to bed,

So much that has not been said because my mouth just won't give consent,

Dear mother, dear father,

Such sick people you are,

You cursed both your daughters with deep mental scars,

You cursed us with depression and childhoods that are marred!

Good times, good times, come out wherever you are!
Please tell me the good times can dig themselves out from under the scars of the bad!
No, no they can't and they won't, they won't survive with the dark monster looming inside my head.

Dear Life, dear Love, 

Such thugs you are,

Knocking me down, knocking me out, 
When can I stand without doubt,
Doubting your kind words, wishing I could get up and shout,
That I'm done with the beatings, done with the pain,
Have you no shame!
Beating someone so small, scars, tears and all,
Just wanting to stand tall, continuing to fall!
But, all you want to do is call, "Sweet girl, you thought you'd seen it all, you thought we wouldn't make you slip again!"
Cackling and tackling all of the rainbows I thought I had found.
"You thought these were yours, but your thoughts were deterred. Those demons are yours for sure."
How dare you, how dare you!
Doesn't everyone get the chance for happiness to keep?
Doesn't everyone get the chance for happy dreams as they sleep?
Why not me? When is my turn to be happy and my mind clean?

Am I meant to be stuck with the monster forever?
Stuck battling and breaking, 
Smiling at the hits I'm taking?
Seven years have flown as such,
Seven years and my legs are shaking and quaking,
There is no tag team here,
No help even near,
So determined to defeat this beast alone,
If not then learn to live with it as one.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Your words are so powerful, so profound. My soul aches for all you have suffered and my heart longs for you to find deep healing and freedom in the days and years ahead. Even in the horrors you have faced, your soul seems fierce, fighting the thoughts coming to try and pull you down into their shadows. May you find your pathway soon, and cut all these ropes binding you, rising as the sun, dear poet.