A Love Found by the Lucky Few

This is a poem that I wrote for a girl that I like, and hope to use it to ask her to be my gf. I'm just looking for feedback.

When I see you walk in

To a room, full of joy.

My eyes fix on you

And your beauty.

The simple way you walk,

Talk

 and carry yourself,

Makes me wonder more about this beauty.

More than physical,

Symmetrical,

Outer beauty, but

The beauty that’s within.

 

I could tell there is more,

More than one can see

More than one can learn

About this inner beauty.

I knew you were different.

Not by what you wore

Or how you did your hair, but

How you acted

How you treated me.

More than treating me

With kindness,

Benevolence,

Courtesy, but

With love.

 

A love found not by many, but

By the lucky few.

A love beyond the physical,

More than just holding hands,

A tender embrace,

A kiss, but

A love defined

Not of this world, but

Between two.

Author's Note

intentionally broken up the way it is, but if it sounds weird at certain parts im always up for advice, thoughts on the style of writing, thoughts on the feeling you get from this

Reviews

[Annabelle Lee]

I could see nothing wrong with it. THis was fantastic

[stephen dillon]

do it any way this poem might just surprise you at midnight if you check this contest

[stephen dillon]

took the words right from my mouth

[Kris]

That was beautiful. The tone it set was gentle and fit perfectly with its wording. This kind of puts in perspective what we all want to find in life. Graciously encompasses many wandering thoughts in a simple elegant way. Well done. :)

[Austin.Stoesz]

thank you (: im glad that you like this...im hoping that the girl i wrote this for likes it as well

[Kris]

I think she will, and if she doesn't, then she doesn't appreciate a promising writer when she sees one and doesn't deserve someone as talented as you.