IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

I see you. You see me. Immediate attraction. What are you going to do about it?

I see you from across the street and you are words beyond beautiful. You are all aglow and it separates you from the rest of the people walking towards me.CLOSER. I need to summon the right words to say to capture your attention but I am failing. Nothing makes sense.The words are not coming together like they should. I'm running out of time.CLOSER.Look up and see me. Can't you feel me looking at you? Wanting you?Needing you? Will the world stop just for us? CLOSER. As you walk by me you look up and meet my gaze.Eyes piercing like diamonds. I have your attention and suddenly you smile.Electricity runs through my body. The connection is real but fleeting. You notice me but you keep walking away.FARTHER. I stop walking. I cannot move. I turn around and I see you distance yourself away from me.FARTHER. I am oblivious to the other people passing me by. You are my focus and I watch you intently. Your pace begins to slow down and eventually you stop walking. I know what you're thinking.I know what you're feeling. This is crazy.Take a chance.I am here,waiting.Turn around...turn around.

Author's Note

It happens all the time people meet each other on the street or anywhere and for just one moment they connect. Some people have the confidence to confront their attraction and some turn away just as quickly.

Reviews

[KWP]

ok - so what I think you need to do with a piece like this is show and don't tell - it's okay to let the reader come to their own conclusions, even if they don't match your own. An example your first line ...

I see you from across the street and you are words beyond beautiful - well, you are a poet so you need to articulate for your readers what is it you are seeing that is beyond beautiful ... let me think of something quickly ...

Across the street I see you, you are like the first twinkle in the night sky, are you shining just for me?

(ok that may sound corny - but it is just an example.

Another example 'I am oblivious to the people passing by' here you are telling. Don't do that ... how about something like ... Crowds gush by but my vision is only you. See how its saying the same thing but painting a picture?

Readers will not get drawn in an attached if you simply tell people what is happening - we need more of the juicy imagery.

Hope it helps X

[BBP]

Amazing portrayal of those moments we've all had.
It played out a movie as a I read.... wonderfully executed!

[Emily L]

Everything you wrote is exactly what everyone's thinking in that short few minutes you spot that special person. I've never really read anything like this, you wrote a perfect interpretation. Really beautiful!

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"words beyond beautiful" I like that. Leaves it open to whatever our imaginations can conjure. This reminded me of a song (as almost all things do) "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison. I enjoyed the read.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I love this
It has happened twice to me maybe more
Eyes met that was it

[Isabella Disney]

A good freestyle write, with potential to be better just on structure.. Words are great though!!

Have you tried playing around with spacing? It can add an element of surprise- keeps the reader interested to see where the next line leads... Just a thought :) I guess you could say I agree with KWP :)

Like the use of capitals too btw!

[EcstaticEuphoria]

Such a great poem! I think we definitely see those people and feel those connections even when we know we will never see them again. I always wonder if we knew them in a past life and this time they were simply passing by, whispering hello and I'll see you again. Thought provoking!

[Kaitiebug]

I relate so much to this! It definitely touches me

[Angel]

Wow I love this one, just the intenseness (if that's a word haha) of what you are writing is so incredible. It makes me feel the whole wishing for that one moment because I can just visual how it is through your writing. Most wonderful.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

KC,
You speak so realistically of this aspect of the need for others. Do we reach out...or not..try or not?
"Can't you feel me looking at you?" This is tricky with a stranger but people do say hi and find ways to slow down the time to fit in an introduction.
I hope you have another opportunity with this individual or someone else.
Beautiful line; "you look up and meet my gaze. With eyes piercing like diamonds."
An exciting little story this was to read!
Kathy