Breaking

Breaking

My soul feels like it has broken

All my words are left unspoken

There is a rift growing inside of me

I can not stop it, can't you see

****

I am doing everything I can

Would it help if I had a plan?

Maybe then I could close this rift

That would be such a great gift

****

All I'm left with is a hole

What is happening to my soul?

The rift grows deeper every day

No longer feel like I want to play

****

I can no longer see the light

Darkness, sorrow and the will to fight

Anger starts brewing from the deep

Just another reason why I can't sleep

Author's Note

Another dark rhyme from the mind of a ............?

Reviews

[Lanky]

I love this, seriously. this poem has so much emotion and darkness, but it keeps an amazing rhythm. Its not a complex rhyme scheme but its perfect for this poem. I don't think I have ever read a poem of your's that i didn't love! Your very talented!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Well, indeed, understand these sentiments well. A wonderful cadence to a darker rhythm - well done. Thanks for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Bennett Logan]

This does indeed sound like the words of a man on the verge of breaking. I can't help but wonder if he crossed over into the darkness or if he bounced back and recovered. Your title suggests that he's already broken, but I still have to wonder. Well done, sir. My only suggestion, if you're interested in revising, would be to pick one or two elements of this poem and elaborate on them. You talk about rifts, holes, souls, and gifts -- I want to see them from your unique point of view! That's about all I've got. Have a good one, and I'll catch you later.

[Liva Mary]

I love this so much! It has a very sweet rhyme to it. And I like the fact it is dark >_< Great poem send me more anytime :)

[Aldora Sparrow]

For some reason, as I was reading this, I thought of the song Tell me Why by Declan. Such a beautiful song and this poem is no less heart-wrenching. Beautiful work!

[A.r. Bazian]

... this is quite a nice hit!
keep 'em comin...
this is quite good!
relation...

[Jade (insanity)]

It is dark. But I think this was one of my favorites. I like how you capture the sadness or anger you feel and put it in the form of a poem. I liked how you made it rhyme, but I can't help but agree with classylady123 on the forced rhyme part. But all the same, it was a great poem :D
Great job :D,
Jade

[Livana Lowell]

Well, it is quite dark, but lovely also to feel one's self destruction in such a lyrical form.

Though, this line: "That would be such a great gift" seems a little forced to rhyme with rift. I believe the line could be a lot stronger.

Other than that, I love the poem. Reminds me a lot of myself when I was younger.

Good job.

[S.W.]

Really well written and thought about and hoping the 'gift' is on it's way for delivery. Good piece.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

I liked this poem alot. The only thing is that I dont feel this poem
will ever live up to it's full potential on paper. I think it would be
a brilliant song. I love it.d