Shoes

I've worn the same kinda shoes from sixth grade on- a pair of black converse. And seeing how much I've changed and become more and more of who I am. I hope this poem tells some of my story.

My shoes took me through middle school

From the dusty box it lived in and back.

Those things held my feet that held my legs that weakened

As I was told I was born deplorable and bad.

They led me out of denial

Out of my fear and confusion

They led me into the life I never lived

Before I met my destruction.

Asking God to forgive me of the affliction that never was

They let me drop to my knees at the alter

Trying to sanctify myself because

I knew church folks would call me a sinner.

They led me out of my front door

They led me to freshman year

They led me to a certain girl

Whom they walked me over to where

they held my trembling self up

when I first kissed her.

They pushed me to tell her I loved her

They led me to her side

They led me because my heart pulled the rest of me forward

Because it broke to think that perhaps all these empty words

Fed me all her lies.

They stayed on while at school I was humiliated like hell,

Exposed and made to look depraved

But knowing that if I decided to end my pain with the sleeping pills I felt like taking

They would lay to rest with me in my grave.

They stayed with me in the closet we shared.

They trembled into the light.

And helped my feet hold the rest of me up

while I died on the inside.

Someday they'll help me walk through college halls

And through my brokeness.

Someday they'll help me walk away

From the people who tell me  "God don't bless no mess,"

with their fresh poison they drank and forcefully poured down my throat, sweetened with their self-righteousness.

To my shoes...

Someday,my friends, you'll help me walk to my future wife

And on that "Someday",

my dad will yell over an angry call on the phone

 "you're no longer mine

Don't ever come back home."

You're gonna take me across the aisle

And you'll see me wearing the dress I picked

For the hour I get married and disowned.

After we've sealed that holy covenant,

I hope y'all will lead me to my best man

Who walks me across the aisle in my dad's place

So I can thank the guy for being there for for the mess i that i like to call "me"

over and over again.

I hope Y'all help me move swiftly for my first dance with my woman,

So help me give her the moment she deserves

My dad ain't there for this.

So, let the moment be hers

Someday you'll walk home with my wife and Iwith my adopted kids

Maybe I'll raise em ok.

Maybe I won't do it like s**t.

Someday they'll grow up,

and I'll be retiring and reaching my old age

You'll probably see our grandkids running around,

And wrinkles on my pale, smiling face.

Theres no doubt you'll still see me kiss my wife,

As old and weathered as we may be.

She'd still complain about what she sees when we stand in front of the mirror,

But I'd still see year 2023.

Someday y'all will see that I'll be in a nursing home still holding her hand

Having seen the big, chaotic world with so much doom and gloom

and how our knowledge of it expands

As y'all sit at the other side of the room.

You'll still hear us talking like we did

Back when we first met.

Maybe you're still happy for me.

Maybe you're gettin damn tired of it.

Maybe you don't believe in love,

Maybe you do,

At the end of the day, I'll be in her arms about to sigh my last breath,

So that won't matter.

But I'll still use one of them as I look towards you and say

"Thank you for helpin' me get her..."