I like the style and imagery your going for. I have a few suggestions, though: begin with adding some punctuation to carry the reader through the inflection you feel when writing this poem.
Maybe these lines would more smoothly carry the meter
"A wealth of glitter rain drops…"
"Which shall be our armor 'gainst th'evil of man."
"A life of happiness shall be our goal."
"I will make this happen, Princess."
"I need only your 'yes'"
"All shall be readied in three days time,
"Oh Princess!
And by your castle tonight,
Then I shall find a prince…
Handsome and blue-eyed…"
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
thank you so much for your review and generous suggestions. they help!
:)
I'm glad to help. Please, return the favor on my latest two offerings.
9 Years Ago
oh most certainly will. you need not say that. :)
9 Years Ago
No, seriously, I'm looking for input on my two most recent posts. I need a title that's not obviousl.. read moreNo, seriously, I'm looking for input on my two most recent posts. I need a title that's not obviously coffee related for my poem about that first morning cup; and I rather struggling with "Midnight at the Oasis."
I feel I've been away for centuries :-P My god your writing style has changed so much. Anyway, very profound piece, magical and yes, very fairy tale like. Thanks for sharing.
Very very nice. I suppose, I see notes below, whatever changes have been made? Whatever, it is beautiful to me and keeps rising with every stanza, couldn't wait to see the words, Oh princess, building up inside, what will he do next, and it continued on. Such a beautiful uplifting piece. Thank you. I thoroughly enjoyed it! What a talent you are!
Posted 9 Years Ago
9 Years Ago
Thank you so much! Delighted to read such passionate review!!! So glad you enjoyed!!! :) :)
9 Years Ago
You must know, talent pours from every oriface. Wow. Thank you. You make it so easy. Su
I like the theme, it is very sweet..... I did notice a few small things... some of the I's aren't capitalized, some are-not sure if this is intentional or not..
"i promise you, melody of butterflies’ wings." (would either say (a) melody of butterflies' wings here or melodies of butterflies' wings)
"for each month, of a promised, holiday season.:..(would leave out the "of" here)
"wouldn’t it be beautiful, to dance in the rain;
a whole month of glittery rain drops falling from heaven."--this is a question so needs a ? at the end
"and the one whose heart is pure."---would leave out "the" here don't really need it
"handsome and blue eyed."... not sure, but think it needs a (-) here (blue-eyed)
This was a very unique poem. It seemed like a love poem at first, and I am still not convinced that it isn't, but it ends with this person willing to do anything for her, including finding a Prince for her. Perhaps it is from the point of view of her father or maybe it is someone who is in love with her, but cares not for themself, only for her happiness. Brilliant work!
thank you....thank you. if i only i could receive such wonderful reviews every morning!( it is morni.. read morethank you....thank you. if i only i could receive such wonderful reviews every morning!( it is morning here.)
yes you are right this is a love poem, and about the prince part: in the poem i am supposed to have great magical powers so maybe that prince will be a manifestation of me!! :P ;)
9 Years Ago
Love it! That would be brilliant. Then you could be with her forever in her dream world! =)
a life full of happiness shall be the only goal.
Romantic, plethora of imagination, when it comes towards princess and for a yes, extravaganza of imagination is so apt, but poet butterflies probably inside the glass door garden of the castle, where is the ride with mermaid or on dolphin hump, bringing her the treasures from sea, hopefully princess may say yes
'I will make you your kingdom, princess.
by the blue river.
where two days will be a day, a day will be night......
Oh Princess!
wouldn’t it be beautiful, to dance in the rain;
a whole month of glittery rain drops falling from heaven.'
These lines are my most favorite among. Thank you for sharing this wonderful fairy-tale poetry :)
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
thank you for this delightful review! i am glad you liked it!
:)
I enjoyed the piece but I don't really know if there are any faults as this is not my style, but you should ask April she is awesome at this. I really like the piece and I will send April a reading request for you :)
thank you so much. i did send a request to april. i too am new at this. this is not my genre.
9 Years Ago
Lol i'm sure April will have great advice for you this is her genre and she is amazing at it but I s.. read moreLol i'm sure April will have great advice for you this is her genre and she is amazing at it but I still loved and enjoyed yours very much ;)
22, human male.
Passionate about writing.
Anyone can send me a read request but the review may take some time.
if you have any query regarding your writing or mine, feel free to mail me.
War.. more..