Open book

Open book

A Poem by theshygirl
"

when i was reading a book i got lost in thoughts of you

"

Open book

 

As I look into your eyes I read through the pages.

Word by word, as I get lost in your eyes.

The beauty of the ink of your paper overwhelms me.

The scars on your skin devastates me

Going through the chapters of your intriguing story.

As I am reading the last chapters

It’s as clear as the tears that roll down on your red cheeks like the frost leaves falling down in autumn.

 

You are an open book

Everybody could see it.

Everybody but me.

 

-L.D.C

 

 


© 2016 theshygirl



Author's Note

theshygirl
please let me know what you think.
and if you notice some grammar problems, please tell me about them i would like to improve my writing skills.

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Reviews

Reading a book and getting lost in thoughts, something I can relate to.. Though I don't think anyone on planet earth is an open book(at least not the ones we want to read 😉)..
I liked reading this! Nicely expressed!

Posted 8 Months Ago


I read this like as if it were a book an open and shut case. Great Bit of writings.

Posted 1 Year Ago


This speaks to me of a lesson learned too late, of regret and of a pain that isnt ending anytime soon due to the 'misreading' before the epiphany that led to feels described in this poem.
Your strongest yet imho.



Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

theshygirl

1 Year Ago

Thank you !
I liked this poem. The idea that you are looking at a person's thoughts as though they were a book is very good. Poems are far more intimate than we like to admit, but the more personal, the more powerful. If you'll forgive me, let me demonstrate.

Open book

I look into your eyes,
and, lost in your thoughts read
through the pages word by word.

The beauty of the ink
on your paper overwhelms me.
The scars on your skin devastate me.

Working through your intriguing story,
as I read the last chapter, it’s as clear now
as the tears that roll down your red cheeks

like frosted leaves dropping down in autumn
You are an open book.
Everybody could see it.
Everybody but me.

By providing more intimacy the reader is drawn in to the moment. Eliminating filler words tightens it up.
In the case of the line " The scars on your skin devastates me" since scars is plural, devastate needs to be singular.

I chose to substitute 'dropping' for 'falling' simply for the alliteration.

Sorry, I probably overstepped my bounds. But there is a lot of potential here. Play around with poetry. Have fun with it. You write well.


Posted 1 Year Ago


This is a really amazing piece and I love every line in this piece...well done you did brilliant

Posted 1 Year Ago


Beautiful lines with an intriguing story, capturing goosebumps beneath my skin

Posted 1 Year Ago


theshygirl

1 Year Ago

Thank you so muchh!
reminds me of the song,if you could read my mind, i liked it !

Posted 1 Year Ago


theshygirl

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much dear
 wordman

1 Year Ago

my pleasure
It is a nice poem. I would love to meet a person who is easy to read. It is difficult to meet such a person. Thanks for sharing.

Posted 1 Year Ago


theshygirl

1 Year Ago

Thank you so muchhh
Nice imagery. I liked reading it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


theshygirl

1 Year Ago

Thank you so muchh

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13 Reviews
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Added on January 17, 2016
Last Updated on January 17, 2016
Tags: teen, love

Author

theshygirl
theshygirl

About
just a girl who likes to express her self and her ideas about the world in poetry ;) more..

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A Poem by theshygirl



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