Patron Saint of Heartbreak and Disappointment

Venting my frustration in the form of poetry...

Patron Saint of Heartbreak and Disappointment

What do you make of me?

This silent disbeliever

of all your charlatans and fakers

your well boasted misdemeanours

 

What do you get from your non-trials

From being all talk- everyone’s favourite liar liar

I’m a pack mule for your success

Watching you rise like a f*****g pest

 

Or parasite- bearing down on all I’ve done

Building that pedestal that you’re shining on

What do they see in you

That makes me fade out of view

 

You’re not getting any wiser

But they’re buying that face

If I shot you full of arsenic

Would you give it a taste?

 

And all along you’ll paint forked-tongued DEVIL lies,

And all along, I’ll pay the price

Crossing my carcass

And putting my head in a vice

 

Every time you f*****g gloat

“I’m the best”- go on, show boat

Prized b***h in the pack

While they put me down and send me back

 

One thing’s for sure

When you’re found out

I won’t be playing it nice

I’ll be dishing it out

 

You’re gunna pay the price

Even if it’s not right now

But eventually all that shimmers

Needs to break somehow

Author's Note

wrote this in the moment... just really sick of being the pack mule for other people's successes... and watching them rise to the top based on nothing.

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Good vent! ;-) Bangs and pops like a caffeinated pinball!

Ultimately, humans incline one helluva lot toward being schizoid apes. Witness American Idol. Please. What the f**k is that all about? Fool's gold. Time and time again, I go observe a cat sunning in the garden. The f*****g cat has a mood of utterly simple profundity and Mystery. Or the alpha gorilla in the zoo: "What are you looking at?" his eerie eyes bore back.

See, in my mind, Gautama Buddha is what it's like to be as cool as the cat or the gorilla, with the admittedly more complex human psychophysical system. Tellingly, he was asked if he was a man or a god. He answered: 'I'm Awake." Buddha was a thoroughgoing cognitive scientist. 2500 yrs. later, we still think he's some vague unattainable religious icon. Not at all. He's a cat. A gorilla. A whole human.

Welcome to The Matrix. This realm is strewn with schizoid "normalities." Heartbreak and disappointment are not surprising. Unfair aggrandizement is not surprising. What's surprising is when anything truly worth a s**t gets its public due at all. I'm thinking of the modern-day elfin Buddha, Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now making the best-seller list, and that easy-going radically simple sage being embraced by Oprah, a gesture which might otherwise be deemed the same old enthusiasm over nothing. THAT surprises me.

"There's a crack, a crack in everything/that's how the Light gets in," wrote Leonard Cohen.

Focus on THAT. You are a beautiful, vital, spirited young woman. It isn't the "patience of the saint" we're talking about here. It's the radically simple insight into absolutely prevalent absurdity that signals the mode of the sage.

There is only the wilderness and infinite midnight sunlight. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks.