The Unemployed Resume

Several persons' resume

1342 Anyplace Lane, Southeast, US 20000·865-675-6933865-675-6933·[email protected]

Unemployed Man

Objective

To find a position that will pay me at least $15 an hour and require me on average to work no more than 45 hours a week. Lengthy negotiation will be undertaken if offered salary position.

    Experience

    Aug. 2013 " Present           Self-Employed          Southeast, US

Basic Computer Games Czar

• Claimed a 9% winning percentage on Solitaire(Solitaire has grown in difficulty since the last

           time I seriously played it in 1995)

• Performed competitively on level seven of Chess Titan

Aug. 2013 " Present          Self-Employed          Southeast, US

Therapist

• Counseled a depressed person for fifteen minutes between the hours of 7 and 9 each morning except for some weekends
• Created activities to prevent depressed person from becoming suicidal

  Aug. 2013 " Oct. 2013          Network Television          Southeast, US

Daytime Television Commercial Analyst

• Analyzed and scrutinized daytime television advertisement (Some companies are shameless)
• Deducted that 70% of people that watch daytime television are in need of a lawyer

May 2011 " Aug. 2013          Retail Hell          Southeast, US

Various Positions

• Allowed ambition to erode
• Completed assignments no matter how long it took without an adjustment in pay (Salaried positions are a hindrance to  the job market)
• Completed typical retail tasks for less than ten dollars an hour (Part-time employment when seeking full-time employment is a joke. You have just enough money to get to work and feed yourself.)

Dec. 2010 " Present          Self-Employed          Southeast, US

Job Applicant

• Submitted one thousand applications to various industries and professions
• Obtained twenty-five interviews (Thank you to all human resource personal who decided I wasn’t what they were looking for over the phone and shame on the ones that wasted my gas)
• Continued to submit applications (I have my fingers crossed  : ) 

Aug. 2013 " Present          Self-Employed          Southeast, US

Author (Purposely Out of Order)

• If every anchor on every National Morning Television Show can write a book so can I
• Checkout my book Generational Heist at

Education

April 2011          Paid Too Much or Not Enough University          Southeast, US

Bachelor of Science in not Accounting, Computer Science or Engineering

• Minor in English

May 2007          Graduate of Enough Education for the Current Job Market High School          Southeast, US

References

References and the More Descriptive Unemployed Resume are available in the book Generational Heist.

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