I kissed her man.

As I pressed against his lips. I opened my eyes to catch Kristen’s face. I was looking to see if her skin flushed. A warning that perhaps me kissing the man she is in love with may not be to her liking.

Not connected. Her eyes seemed shut off. It took me a nano second to make the decision to keep kissing him. He was gentle but not uncommon. His hands were secured to the back of my head and exuded just enough force to unhinge my natural instinct to back away.

His tongue was soft and subtle. With the most gentle nature I searched his mouth with mine. Sporadically rewarded with a warm and soft touch.

Author's Note

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

Reviews

[TLK]

I am, sorry to say, made more and more cynical by the poverty of the world around me. And this website, in particular, designed in order to foster in me lazy stereotypes -- particularly of young females (because young females are socialised to be more writerly, so I come across 'em more).

So, first thought: oh, feathers, why must you get into some "OMG JOURNAL!!! GUES WHAT????" sub-Nickelodeon-sitcom stuff and disappoint me so soon. (I was imagining something like this, in fact: http://adventuretime.wikia.com/wiki/Lumpy_Space_Princess%27s_book).

But, do you know what? This is excellent. It's a snippet from something larger (whether unwritten or never-to-be-written, its absence is felt strongly in terms of their being clear potential characterisation and setting etc.) that immediately leaves the reader with questions. The almost clinical dissection of the kissing experience -- who is this person? (I'm watching Deathnote with my wife currently, and this is how I would expect both Light and L to process the sensation of kissing (two very analytical detective-archetype characters)).

A little killer comment is "his hands were secured to the back of my head". Without TELLing us that he's more into it than Kristen should want, you make it clear that SOMETHING is up.

This is GOOD WRITING and I would like to see more of it. I would also like to put your brain in a jar and make it dance for me. Zzzzzzz write me stories in brain waves ha ha ha.

I also worry that Kristen is a p-zombie. But then I worry that everybody is a p-zombie because I read too much Philosophy. :
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philosophical_zombie