Prologue

 

     How do I explain a phenomenon I do not even understand myself? I am not even sure if phenomenon is the correct word for it.

I felt so alive and yet there where things I could see and feel that made it seem like a dream like state, and for what I was seeing I was sure it must have been.

 

     One morning I was the same as everyone else around me. The next morning it seemed like no one could see me, I would have sworn I had taken some form of hallucinogen, for I could see things that belonged it a fantasy book, and they were the only things that appeared to be able to see or hear me. People could feel me, but as they did not seem to be able 2 see me they put it off as someone had just brushed closely past them.

With each attempt to get peoples attention the fantasy creations would laugh, saying it was pointless. A waste of precious energy.

 

     I would walk down the corridors of my school, go to my classes, sit there and learn still, after all I did only have a few months left and I would be done with the place forever. I had spent three days like this now. Seemingly invisible to all those around me. It did not bother me that my parents did not seem to notice me for when the rest of the world had once noticed nothing had changed with my parents, I had always seemed invisible to them. Not anywhere near as good or precious as my twin brother, he was the boy, he was older than me by just a few minutes, yet he was more important. He used to notice me but at the moment it seemed that he thought I was at a friends place and had been for a while now.

 

     So here I was on day three of complete invisibility, walking down the corridor past those who did see me, yet they, too, were invisible to everyone else. Past those with skin paler than the white walls and eyes as bright and similar in colour as blood from a fresh cut. Past those with transparent, pale hued and glittering wings, sprouting from their backs. Past those with pale blue lips and a distant look to their eyes. Past all those with feathered wings, and those with wings like a bats. Past those with what looked like fur instead of hair and those with constant mischievous glints in their eyes. Past every type of creature I had ever heard described in my favourite fantasy books. It was as I passed them gathered in the halls that I saw humans also gathered together. Easily I pushed through the ever growing huddle to the centre, where a group of people who had been wondering where I had been for three days where holding a crumpled soggy newspaper. It was when I read the heading something inside me clicked into place.

 

     The newspaper had been made soggy by the girls’ tears over one of their close friend’s deaths. A car had driven off the small road. The driver being their friend. She had hit a tree and had only now been found by authorities. The driver having died on the impact with the tree.

 

     It only took me one quick glance down to the picture on the front of the paper to realise where I must be.

     For the girl on the front cover was me.

Author's Note

please please please be nice....:S

Reviews

[Amberlynne]

Very interesting start. I've never heard/read any stories where the dead see strange creatures like that; that alone is enough to intrigue me (although I started to guess she might be dead about 2/3 of the way through).

Overall, I would say that this is a good start. There is just one thing that bothers me, and that's that this chapter feels very much like an unedited first draft. Not a bad thing, of course! But when you're editing, besides small grammar things (and never use "2" when you mean "to"), the major thing you should focus on is the feel of the chapter. Right now, it feels like you're trying too hard to explain everything in as little time as possible, and by doing so, you're repeating a lot. Slow it down, take your time, clarify, and just give us little tidbits at a time. Although, when the character first explains that she's seeing fantasy creatures, that might be the best time to use the description you use later.

good luck, and look forward to reading more!

[Gary H]

I like the idea of invisibilty and ghosts. This is a good prologue, setting the scene for maybe an explanation or further intrigue. Would have been interested to see you use a character with this rather than 'I'. Not quite sure why but I think this could give you more flexibility.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Wow. gave me chills when i read it. The idea of the story was very sharp, and caught my attention. I watched a movie like that before, on fearnet, about strange phenomenon happening to the characters, while they stayed at the hotel, and this evil "Death" chasing them around, and then at the end they realized they were actually dead and had gotten into a car accdient, and the people they saw at the hotel were the ones that were trying to save them as they were dying. It was interesting. Of course, yours is a little more tasteful, with fantasy characters around, instead of Death chasing people with a sickle!! hee hee.

I think you could even turn this into a longer story, expound on it, make it a novel! we would all love to reaad it.

Work on the editing and cleaning up the paragraphs a little. Some parts did not read smooth, and were not spaced or done correctly. But.....an editor can do that. Great job at writing this piece!!!!

[Pj]

I loved it and the hint of rhyme. Really unique and postmodern!!! There's only a few grammatical mistakes and if you add a little detail here and there- you'll have a masterpiece lol!
Really and truly you have a gift of reaching out to people through words and words alone.