In the Rain

Black clouds graced in your wanting gaze,
Arms surrounding in a misting haze
Before nervous tears beginning to sting,
Careless of the storm while they cling;
All which matters embracing a trembling frame,
Haunting whisper repeating my name. 
Heard the thunder in your groan, 
Hesitant caresses began to roam;
Saw the lightening flash before my eyes,
Knew the calm as you hushed my cries;
Tasted rapture in a parting kiss,
Straddled the storm in a moment of bliss;
Felt the rain on your fingertips,
Cold earth dragged between my lips.
Thought to dance as one in the rain-
Instead made love before the storm could wane.

Reviews

[Dinesh Sairam]

You have the basic idea of rhyme and rhythm. I guess it's time now to read rhyme and rhythm in detail. Choose your favorite era of poetry and keep reading from it, as well as post-modern poets. That should give you a idea as to what you should be writing. This is a perfect basement on which you should develop upon.

I hope you never give up on rhyme and rhythm. Keep writing.

[Sarah Marie]

thank you for the review. I would really appreciate it if you could explain it in further detail-half my poems can take an hour a piece writing for rhythm and rhyme and the other half is just what I am thinking, so I would love to know what you fully mean. Thanks again

[Dinesh Sairam]

For once, I felt like the rhymes were forced, since each line has its separate imagery. Never write a poem for rhymes, just make rhymes on a poem. Remember, rhyme is optional, but if included, it must be done so with utter care.

And I can spot rhythm here and there (mostly towards the ending of the lines), but I don't think you 'engineered' it, so to say. Reading the Wikipedia pages on Prosody and Rhythm would help a lot. Trust me, I was like this once too.

The meaning of course, is understandable. But it shouldn't leave it to the reader to be understood. It must express the meaning seamlessly. "Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood"- TS Elliot.

Hope I helped.

[Sarah Marie]

wow, you really did! I will be sure to read those pages. Thank you for the helpful criticism.

[Emily Feret]

You are my winner! This made me feel from start to finish. I cannot praise this poem enough. Thank you, it was a privilege to read!

[Sarah Marie]

aw thank you so much for the kind comments, subscription, and my placing! :)

[Emily Feret]

It was a work of art! Thank you for sharing

[The 13th Eros]

Here is the wildness of the storm; the metaphors alive in your passions and tenderness. A beautiful unveiling of love's rapture as it is unleashed as rain.

[Maan]

I don't wonder why this poem won a title of AMAZING. :) This is wonderful, the flow of imaginations and the selection of words is perfect. I'm not an expert reviewing here but as far as my knowledge takes me, this poem justifies the title of the poem in its own beautiful manner. Good work, keep writing. :)

[Sarah Marie]

Thank you so much! I am so glad you like it! I really appreciate your review!!