The Last Promise

The Last Promise

A Story by TJ

Letting someone mistreat you is the same thing as telling them it's OK


The Last Promise




It was the betrayal. Many things flashed across her face in that moment - shock, fear, anger - but it was the betrayal that stopped me. Her trust - her faith - in me had been betrayed, and her I could see the break in her spirit through the windows of her eyes.

In those eyes was the epitome of all the broken promises, all the fights, all the built up resentment. As she lie there, grasping the side of her face, her eyes spoke to me: “You broke your last promise,” they said.


My own eyes responded, “But you kept pushing me, you were being such a b***h, you asked for this.”


Those eyes disregarded me, only repeated their indictment of betrayal, “you broke your last promise.”


My last promise.


I was always good to her. I told her every day how beautiful she was; more gorgeous than all the beauty of the ocean and the stars. I told her how much I loved her; more than the moon loved the sun. I told her how long my love would last; until all the suns in the universe stopped burning. I promised her a better life. I promised to treat her like the queen she was. I promised I’d never treat her like those other guys; that, in all my days, I would never hurt her.


I’d broken almost all of those vows.


And now I’d broken the last.


“I’m so sorry.”



It was the rage. Many things flashed across his face in those moments - anger, resentment, hate - but it was the rage, that pure, unhindered rage, that frightened. He was not there in that moment; his body was present, but he had shrunken back within the fiery depths of his mind, leaving behind a monster’s shadow in the shell of his body.

His eyes were hollow pits filled only by hate with no human consciousness to impede its flow. As I lie on the ground, trying to grasp the pain that radiated from my face, his eyes spoke to me: “I will kill you,” they said. "If not now, another day.”


I cowered in the shadow of his looming figure.  I looked to him, my eyes pleading. “I can’t believe you did this to me; you said you’d protect me and keep me safe from all the wrongs in the world. You said you’d never hurt me.”


He had been breaking his promises since I’d left with him. He had done some of the things he said he would; he got me out of that old shithole neighborhood and into the suburbs and a better life, but everything else had been a lie. He promised to treat me like a queen, instead he barely found time to break away from his work for me. He promised to make me the happiest girl in the world, instead he only screamed at me when I tried to demand some of his time and attention. He promised to love me forever, but instead he thought if he tossed money at me I should be happy and go away.


He promised he’d never hurt me, and now he broke that promise as well.

His last promise.


I scampered away in fear as he fell to his knees, but saw now that the rage was gone from his eyes, replaced with compassion, sorrow, and regret.


“I’m so sorry,” he choked out through silent sobs I hadn’t seen develop.


Was he sorry? He was crying, he was hurt, I could see his pain.

I had caused this pain.

He felt bad, he felt sorry. I could see it in his tears. He hadn’t wanted to do this. It was obvious now. I could see how it hurt him to hurt me. Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him so hard today, after all he was working to maintain this lifestyle I enjoyed. Maybe I was being too bitchy to him. Look at him. He didn’t want this. He had never wanted to hurt me.


He was in pain.


I wrapped my hands around the nape of his neck and pulled his head into my bosom.


“It’s ok,” I said stroking his hair gently.


“It’s ok.”

© 2011 TJ

Author's Note

left all my writing stuff under my desk at work Friday, so i couldn't work on my current project ALL FREAKIN WEEKEND... so I figured I'd through something new together this weekend; ended up with the poem Cavalry and this.
hope you enjoy

I think I caught all the dashes that the stupid WC glitch turned into quotation marks, but if you see one i missed lemme know.
honest opinions as always :)

My Review

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Featured Review

Grammer and punctuation, as the others mentioned
Just an observation- no one knows what their own eyes are saying to another. The rush to personal defense is always verbal, he always justifies his actions.
Try using itallics for thoughts, and quotes for verbal exchange; it helps to seperate the two, instead of finding out which it is at the end of the sentance.
[Those eyes disregarded me, only repeated their indictment of betrayal, “you broke your last promise.”] The word disreguarded is off here. A victim never disreguards their abusor- it's too dangerous. Perhaps a mention of a hurt showing in those eyes that radiated a pain far more damaging then the swelling jaw, would fit better?
Very nice work.

Posted 6 Years Ago

2 of 2 people found this review constructive.


A hard thing to write about, but you managed to pull it off. Sure, a few errors here and there, but honestly I make the same mistakes when i type quickly.

Posted 6 Years Ago

How do you get so many people to read your stories? I suppose it's mainly your talent, but even then, your audience is impressive.

And I agree with the majority of them. This is a compelling story; surely relatable to many, and excellently written. I loved that both of them thought they knew what the other was thinking, and though they were more or less correct, there was so much more going on behind both of their eyes. Of course there are some grammar errors, but the story itself, and especially it's presentation, was excellent. As usual, well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago

I like your stories...a lot. Keep 'em coming!

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It was a great story. The ending was kind of a drop off though it didn't really make it clear whether she left him or not. It sounded like she stayed but I don't think it was clear.

Posted 6 Years Ago

very good it was emotional and enticing reeling you in farther as it went! great work hope to read more of your work!

Posted 6 Years Ago

I enjoyed reading this.
Continue! :D

Posted 6 Years Ago

Gripping, very realistic you captured this scenario spot on, I never worry about dashes commsa full stops, I just write then add in afterwards, how it sounds and reads to me is important, thankyou for sharing Moonbeam.

Posted 6 Years Ago

i really enjoyed your last promise, it touched me on so many levels, some of it can relate to a bit from own past, it is something we keep telling ourselves that it is ok we make excuses for it we try to understand it but there is no logic to it, we want the change we crave what others have a " normal" relationship but it is not enough we fall back to what is familiar, till we had trully enough, chunks of our lives could be gone we cant back till we escape n never look back.. i will be looking for more work by you. great work

Posted 6 Years Ago

"Its ok" "Its ok" Its not ok...Great way to end the story. She should have left him then and went out to start taking care of herself. Great message, and its true that "letting someone mistreat you is the same thing as telling them its OK."

Posted 6 Years Ago

I love how you got the emotions out in like a couple paragraghs i loved reading this.. Greatt job TJ(:

Posted 6 Years Ago

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63 Reviews
Shelved in 10 Libraries
Added on June 6, 2011
Last Updated on June 14, 2011



Virginia Beach, VA

My name is TJ and I'm still just your typical aspiring author :) Follow me on twitter @tj_coles And for some short stories in 140 characters or less follow @timmystales more..

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