It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

It Just Ain't Right (senryu)

A Poem by TJ

One life, tormented

There is no future; no hope

Her children are gone

© 2011 TJ

Author's Note

For Kim Love's competition

I had decided not to join, but then the Fates put this piece into my head, must've been a sign

My dear friend Truman S. Booth has informed me that because this does not deal with nature it is not a Haiku but a Senryu. Thank you Truman :)

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I can't make up my mind is this sad because she lost her children to the streets they where victims of violence? Or is it sad because they have moved on with their life and she just feels like nothing without them? Either way my friend it's sad, make me want to cry for her... :(

Posted 6 Years Ago

3 of 3 people found this review constructive.


It's short, and it's sad. It is still ok. I like your second poem, Beautiful Sunset. -Inky Blacket

Posted 3 Years Ago

Truman says it does not deal with nature but that depends on how you look at it. One day all of the earths children will be gone. Every living thing on it will parish to give life to a new beginning, all her children will return...! Awesome write my friend...!

Posted 4 Years Ago

So many possibilities are left at the end of this with a definite feeling of loss. Well Done!

Posted 4 Years Ago

I wouldn't know the difference between a Haiku or a Senryu but I will look it up. I have so much to learn about poetry; but I don't have to go to school to discover that which moves me, and this piece does just that. As a mother, the fact that her children are gone totally explains the line, "One life, tormented." Moving...
Sorry about the long delay in getting to your read request, but I have been away from the cafe' for a long time.

Posted 5 Years Ago

pretty good for being so short

Posted 6 Years Ago

Incredible write. Encopasses the feeling of emptiness and sorrow wonderfully. Thats tragedy in its most succint form for me. Well done.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Always due to follow signs. This was short, and I could quickly tear away the tone, feelings, emotions, everything. That takes much talent. It makes the reader question so many things. I like it.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Makes me want to know more and more, many questions of course. But that's what's good about it. I like it.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Sadly im sure losing children shatters a lot of hope. So very mortifying and sad in deed. =(

Posted 6 Years Ago

so short... but it leaves me asking so many questions!! A mother left by her children whether by death or choice really "...just aint right" Good write:)

Posted 6 Years Ago

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86 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on June 14, 2011
Last Updated on June 14, 2011



Virginia Beach, VA

My name is TJ and I'm still just your typical aspiring author :) Follow me on twitter @tj_coles And for some short stories in 140 characters or less follow @timmystales more..

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