Belongings

Memories left behind...

brown shoes
red pumps 
broom skirts
& linked cuffs
zipper stuck jeans
button-popped button downs
tuxedoes
speedos
zucchini colored bikinis
spaghetti stained sundresses
apple bottom spandex
muscle tees
fitted screens
closeted dreams
clothing naked memories

Stale belongings of an unvisited childhood room
Painted green
When you leave eternally,
You leave behind your life debris
Your fading memories
Wrapped in cobwebbed, dusty sheets
Stuffed in an attic
Buried beneath
Your great & great-greats antique things
Welcoming you to history
When you die
You are but a vapor
Incensed in your belongings
Left alone
Until one day
They too return home

Belongings to ashes
Belongings to dust

Reviews

[...]

... brutal and bewitching ... powerful and poignant ... i haven't died yet ... but i did leave a home ... an apartment ... and went off to another city in rather painful circumstances and my folks had a hard time dealing with what i left behind ... nearly six months later ... i returned to live with my parents ... who live close to the apartment that i'd just left ... i didn't even want to look at anything i'd left behind ... and it's been another six months and i haven't ... it's really the memories embedded in all those lists of belongings that torture and torment ... you've written a powerfully moving piece and with such exceptional minimalism ... an immensely enriching read ... (highest rating) ...

[Sarah]

Okay for real this poem is great. I love nostalgic poems like this and the darkness that you potray at the end. It starts out kinda fun with descriptions of various things, then twists into subjects of death, and memory. I know I am doing a terrible job talking about how I enjoyed this poem, but I did. Very unique and creative!

[BJ "Bunneh3000" Brown]

Minimalism is a hard thing to get accustomed to. To be able to strip away the words that add nothing to the vision of the piece and yet still not be confusing and remain powerful is hard for me to do. I'm learning to write and then edit my poems in this fashion and this piece is a GORGEOUS example of that.

All of the different belongings and then the profound ending stanza to pull it all together. Great write.

[Soul Magic✯]

"You are but a vapor
Incensed in your belongings
Left alone
Until one day
They too return home

Belongings to ashes
Belongings to dust" wow this is a powerful piece. i enjoyed it

[A.Lee]

This is really good. I disagree, I think using the nouns in plural strengthens this piece. If they were singular it would sound dry, like you're just going down a list of things you see in your room instead of weighted memories. I love the feel of this. The last two lines really brought it all together. Great work. One of my favorites.

[Geel]

magnificent i enjoyed how u went into dept with describing the material aspect of who we come to be in what we wear...yes the fact is that all return to dust the human aspect but beyond that is so much more...much greater than what the human eye can even imagine...keep writing sweetie i enjoyed this scribe

[Tinasha LaRayé]

@ Michael ~ Thank you for your helpful review! I will consider the changes....

The reason that I placed them all in the plural sense was because I wanted the reader to feel weighed down by the belonging(s) (also plural). I wanted people to have a sense that there is just soooo much stuff we leave behind when we die from the words used and how the words are used. It is meant to be ambiguous - as you see, the belongings listed are not to just one person because they are very gender specific. However, it is intended for each reader to personalize it to themselves through their association with the belongings or maybe through their relative situations.

I will indeed try it with your change in mind to see how it flows...I do understand the perspective you are coming from. Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it!

[Michael X]

wow thats cutting, but confusing in imagery because you are pluralizing the nouns and it loses strength in imagery in these regards, if you can shift the perspective to singular and drill out the abstract flow to a classic ambience,
i think this poem would really effect the readers heart, as it reads now, choppy and uniteresting. I can clearly see you have talent. if you riose it let me know.