No More

My life in Non-Fiction~

 

Did you know my prose misses all measurements and every part of rhythm is lost because you were my beat? You helped me keep time and now there are no lyrics to my song. The only thing that is left is the empty beats of an empty heart. There are no notes to the melodies that play in my head for music is dead, because you are. I no longer sing love nor do I crave to. Reality is obscure for all that I have known I now know not. Heat is no longer hot and freezing isn't cold, yet I yearn to be left frozen in hopes that I could no longer feel. Hunger is now full and satiation is starvation and there is no satisfaction that can be found with out you.

 

 Nothing makes sense and silence screams at me...

No more! No more! He is no more!

 

 I wince....

Sleep is no longer rest for it makes me tired and I hide in slumber for peace but none is found there.  Energy does not exist and weakness is all I experience for strength is forgotten as traces of you slip from my human mind. My memories of you fade more by the day but my ache does not. It grows to be mightier than me.

 

Nothing makes sense and silence screams...

 No more! No more! He is no more!

 

The clock doesn't tell time it tells tales... Tales of what is lost to never be found again. And it speaks of fairy tales that have no happy endings.... For they end like operas in my mind… Bludgeoned in my heart… written with the ink of Shakespearean tragedies. They end in poisonous deaths and the murder of my dreams....  Sometimes death seems welcoming as if it is calling me to meet you there…. There where slumber is eternal. The place that offers a never ending consistency of Peace.

 

Nothing makes sense and silence screams...

 No more... No more... He is no more!

 

 

 I step barefoot on the broken glass that was to be our future and I bleed. I bleed the loss of you and I bleed the loss of me.  For everything that mattered left with you and hope is running swiftly away from me. It slips through my fingers leaving me praying for hope to return wearing your name. I try to hold on to joy but it no longer wants me. Joy says that it can not dwell with me if you are not here. So beaten I drown in the sorrow of your passing and I hold my breath.

 

Nothing makes sense and silence screams.....

 No more! No more! He is no more!

 

 

Reviews

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This is a deeply moving piece, a dark and heartbreaking requiem, and fully deserves its first prize award.

No one who has ever loved and lost can read this eloquence and emerge unaffected by the reading. To me, that's the definition of outstanding writing.

[Choosing Life]

You now Brenda Sue on the 18th it was 3 years since he passed and though I have some what adapted to life without him here I still wish for him to be close to me again. I have not known love like he gave it and I Fear I never will...

My blessings to you... HUggss

[Brenda Sue]

These words seem to come straight through my heart. My husband passed away after 32 years of marriage and I felt every word of this. It is a pain so deep, mere words can not explain. Beautifully and wonderfully penned.

[Choosing Life]

My Fiance died on March 18th, 2005. This piece was written in his honor. The broken glass is the future we never got to live. It shattered when he died. Stepping on the shard pieces of my dreams is a painful thing. Life carries on so I have to keep walking but each steps cuts. Each step hurts because it further crushes the pieces that are all ready broken and begins to grind them into dust, into a powder that will eventually blow in the wind. So far as a whole picture ther can never be awhole picture becaus ethose experiences wehere never fully created and captured. They were spoken of in our hearts and wishes in our souls that were to be lived.

One of my favorite movies is Simon Birch. There is this one part the narrator shares "When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming. What I remember most to this day was my mother's scent and how I hated it when it began to disappear. First from her closets, then from her dresses she had sewn herself and then finally from her bedsheets and pillow cases."

That sums up loving a person that dies and what I mean by slipping from my human mind. You try to remeber certain moments and they become blurs. You try to rememebr what they laugh like in detail and you can't. Each day it slips . A word fades, then a phrase, then a sentence and then whole conversations. You forget what their skin felt like or the excitement in their voice. Your mind tries to feel in the gaps but each day , each second they vanish at least all the physical aspects of them do.

[King James]

Energy does not exist and weakness is all I experience for strength is forgotten as traces of you slip from my human mind.
..................
Woah talk about cornered... but one thing I was left to wonder regarding the broken galss you step on... arent you still able to see him so is he not gone?......... I mean? You may see bits and piece but like pixels are to a TV screen dont those bits and piece make up the whole picture, or is it a future only seen by the us in us and not the us the person whose foot now bleeds? Please explain this great work of art...

[Choosing Life]

This piece was actaully written about 6 months to a year and a half after my Fiance passed. It was a painful time. I am in a much better space now where that is concerned though some days when I sit still long enough, I still feel this. But now I feel this for minutes instead of months. When I lost my Fiance it was 2 years after my brother's murder so it was a combination of grief that drowned me.

These days I do Choose Life at all costs and with all that is in me. Some days it is easier than others. I miss my Love though ever so much but he came her to pass as all things do...

LOve to you and the warmth in your heart for reaching out to me...

*smiles and huggss*
Be Well, My Friend

[WriterInside07]

Excellent prose-stands on it's own. I like your metaphors to notes, lyrics rhythm, as descriptions of grief. Very powerful in your imagery...such an intimate personal journey and yet you allowed the reader in without the reader feeling awkward...you created the space for the reader's compassion for you to exist and to expand out to you in your sorrow...I don't know how long you have been in this space. It is not for anyone to insist you "heal on their schedule". Having said that I will express concern for you or for anyone getting 'stuck' in the murky quicksand of focus on the moments of a loved one's passing. Help your hurting spirit by celebrating this person's life; It is within this celebration that joy over laced with bittersweet will reclaim you again..honor all this person brought to your life for there you will find your peace ..I whisper to you of a celebration for a life lived as you tend to the wounds of your own broken heart. Glad to hear you are "Choosing Life"-Be Of Good Courage-