Miscarriage Of Good Intentions Written

 

I know it shouldn't but it does.

 

Each line is cutting me as I write out my truths.

Searching to find some miracle under each letter.

Digging through words to become the creator

Of something greater than what I have come to know.

Promises and excuses are like synonyms rolling off of many tongues.

 

I know it shouldn't but it does.

 

Slicing me like razors and dipping me into alcohol

As I birth out fantasies and relive realities.

The inner workings of my dreams on a page

With legs wide opened, ready to be screwed by eyes

that only skim the page.

While I carry in me a child and feel labor pains.

Honesty should be like a salve but some how I miscarry.

 

I know it shouldn't but it does...

Hurt like hell.

Author's Note

I don't think this piece is finished.

Reviews

[LL2]

I do get a sense of completion, because of the beginning line being repeated at the end. Many times, I write, then stop, then write more a day or week later, and I'm not sure things are finished. I love the words, and the sounds in this poem, especially, 'fantasies and relieve realities' My favorite part is 'screwed by eyes that only skim the page' That says a lot.
Would you mind reviewing my poem? http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/luckylifetwo/529960/

[Mountain Dawn]

This piece has so many dimensions to it. I really like the way you use descriptive words for the double meanings. Great job.

[R J Askew]

I like the title of this one because I just do. A beefy 10 syllabs. It makes me wonder what miscarriage, what intentions? So I would read this in any queue of titles. I like the repeat line and think this would make it perform well. I am fascinated by the way the creative mind works, the mix of intellect and feelings, why we write and how we write. OK it's not a new subject, but it is timelessly fascinating, especially as psychology evoles, supposedly. Creativity is a mad, wild, adventure, very exciting, but also painful at times. You focus on the pain here and the razors and legs akimbo give it strong impact. I wouldn't worry about it feeling unfinished as for it to be unfinished is in keeping with something miscarrying.

[Mr. Deft Diction]

The vulnerability in this piece is quite honest and outstanding. Almost as if you're looking for a definite finality at the end of your verse; but it's like having a problem and trying to drink it away...in the morning your head hurts, but the feeling is still there.

Promises and excuses are like synonyms....there's let-down in this line, like you've become jaded.

This is a heavy piece, girl. I'm diggin' this.

[Steffi]

I think that it is finished. The way that you reuse the line of "It shouldn't but it does..." Really adds some tension to the piece. The flow to this piece was really inspired