Quirk

Quirk

A Poem by CHRIS ANDES

Quirk
It was a day of mornin' dew
I sit in the crowd and there was you
with hair straight dancing and waving
half covered with green bonnet.

Your pale feet walk like a weirdo
in your six pockets clings not a single coin
straps of cloth ending
exposed your knees unwounded.

The air blows as your arms widened.
Unobvious shirt knotted buttons
with each sleeve reared on purpose,
this boney body's all in green!

Your steps create a turn
with every eyes you have captured
then reechoed a growing laugh
from the glance of stupid critics.

© 2014 CHRIS ANDES


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Reviews

It sounds so lovely, so open. I could perfectly picture that in my mind. Nice.. :) xox

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


CHRIS ANDES

11 Years Ago

thanks Rasp
=]
A lovely poem! I like the vagueness of this. The descriptions tell us so much about this person (they're skinny, wearing green, very different, staright hair, and most likely female) yet, so little, which I think is the beauty of this poem! The last line is very final and very powerful. It shows that you disagree with the majority and apprecate this girl's quirks in ways that these 'critics' can't. Overall, a wonderful poem!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


CHRIS ANDES

11 Years Ago

;p thanks
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I like this poem :) Admiring the quirk in someone that other laugh at. I have a quirky friend myself, and I love his quirks :)))

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


My eyes spotted a few errors: (mostly about inconsistency of the tenses)
1. You started the poem with the line "It was a day of mornin' dew". Past tense. So this line should be:
I sit in the crowd and there was you --- I SAT in the crowd and there was you
2. Your pale feet walk like a weirdo --- Your pale feet WALKED like a weirdo
3. in your six pockets clings not a single coin --- in your six pockets CLUNG not a single coin,,,,,,,,,I don't even think that cling/clung should be the right term because cling means "to hold tight". A coin doesn't cling. Unless you're trying to personify in that line.
4. The air blows as your arms widened. --- The air BLEW as your arms widened.
5. this boney body's all in green! --- this boney body WAS all in green!
6. Your steps create a turn --- Your steps CREATED (I even think that MADE would sound better) a turn

Keep writing. (=

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


Sir Joe

11 Years Ago

hehe don't call me "sir" hahaha
CHRIS ANDES

11 Years Ago

well, it seems formal
=]
you'll get use to it if you have your job sir
;p
Sir Joe

11 Years Ago

haha I have a job now hehe kktpos lng ng shift q ngayong gbi (=
..it's just a fancy caught in the eye =]


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


this was a well written piece. I love quirks and i love this poem. Keep writing. c:

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


lol i love this, i enjoy quirkyness and i think this piece was expertly named, great job~ I intend to read more of your works in the future

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago


Interesting piece, though I am not quit sure what to make of it. But I do like it. Nice!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on April 16, 2012
Last Updated on November 19, 2014

Author

CHRIS ANDES
CHRIS ANDES

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