When I Proclaimed My Love

When I proclaimed my love

I reached out my hand

But you turned away

It seems you had another man

 

So I gave you a song

Something you could feel

A dream that was just yours

That no one could steal

 

But you gave it back, and said

“Life must take its course

Sometimes love’s for better

Sometimes love’s for worse”

 

So I gave you my heart

My body and my soul

I gave you all my dreams

To have you and to hold

 

But you gave them back, and said

“This never can be true

My heart belongs to someone else

Please, don’t make me love you”

 

So I asked you “Why, my love

Why could our love not be?

My heart belongs to you alone

Do you need more than me?”

 

And you answered when I prompted

“Yes, more is what I need

More than you could ever offer

More is what he offers me”

 

Reviews

[Song of Mercy]

A determined lover captivated by a dream that could never be. Nice read, Thanks for sharing. Barb

[Wicahpi]

Beautiful write.
This I can relate to, 100%

[J.Black]

Ah so very true. I loved this poem of yours. You write with such emotion, it's appealing to me.
A very good read, keep it up please.
I read your poems everyday, because they inspire me!
=]

[Fran Marie]

sad, when love is not returned so deeply expressed and well penned

Fran Marie

[bluessadmood]

oh this thing is so good,you say,please dont make me love you,but he offers a song a dream his heart his soul ,but you give it back ,life must go on ,you say,love could be for better or for worse,and you are very right,we could love and love,but we may not be lucky,and wonder will i ever be loved ,this is how it is ,its life,its not mechanics,you can give all and do not expect in return only if it comes and you get lucky ,then life was good to you,he offers more ,you say ,i know its not more you just fell for him and its life again it can play wonders with us ,it had to be like this ,really wonderful writing so mature and wise

[Sara]

i like that this is so simple, yet means so much. it doesn't require too much time to read in depth because everything you had to say was put out on the line. this feeling you posses is much too familiar among so many people - when the one you love, does not love you back. - im sorry you have to feel such a thing.

also; thank you for reading my poetry as well; it means a lot :)

[Craig Bates]

I'm not always the biggest fan of four-line per stanza rhyming poetry but I think this works pretty well. The rhymes seem effortless and natural and that is half the battle. I think it helps that you only rhyme twice per stanza in a kind of abcb format.

The fact that the scheme stays constant mirrors the content of the poem, with the love remaining unrequited and the woman's stance the same.

Interestingly, this also reads well if you reverse the stanzas as well as top to bottom. Or at least it seems that way to me.
Oh and thanks for commenting on Broken =)

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Many this poem could be written for .. love that is not returned.. it is very easy to read,, nice flow and so sadly true.


Chloe
xoxo

[Ocean Orchid]

This piece seems having that feel .... with a natural flow ... nice read