A Rainy Afternoon

A Rainy Afternoon

A Poem by jonah

The dog is inside the house,
searching for tiles. Footsteps. 

The house is white.
No trace of words on the wall. 

A nap, a memory of sleep
fills the lamp in the living room,

leaving it augmented.
A clock has been there

the whole time. In a massive headache 
you recall a grey town 

that perished in your last reading.
That's all about

the town. 
About a bar of chocolate
in your fridge
and dull pieces of plates 
on the floor,
you lack energy
to make them leave.

This rain looks green
like grass you can't name after for sure. 
You wanted to touch something.
A jar. A handle. A table. Your dog. 

This rain.
This lengthy sound in your lungs. 
This afternoon that hides your childhood
if you have any.
Maybe you don't.
So, you let your dog plays
at unbuilt yards 
and get back inside to lay again

even when you remember 
faintly

that you're never
properly asleep. 

© 2015 jonah



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Author's Note

jonah
So, one day i was awaken from my nap. It was a rainy afternoon and i felt weird and exhausted. this poem kinda reflects the feelings i had that day. a feeling of loneliness and detachment, a feeling of being a stranger to everything you see everyday in life. Critics are welcome. you can tell me how you feel about the image and atmosphere of the poem, or what it still lacks. my english is still not perfect and i don't mind to accept any grammatical correction. thank you. :)

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Reviews

Really nice jonah. It reads aloud really well too which is important.


Posted 2 Years Ago


jonah

2 Years Ago

Thank you very much, Chris. How have you been, anyway? I'm kinda losing my passion in writing a litt.. read more
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alf
Hi Jonah. You have filled the page with sentiment!!! I could feel that recaptured moment, that lethargy in your soul and the restlessness that stemmed from confusing emotions. A great write - one I really enjoyed. I would changed the 3rd last stanza to read 'so, you let your dog play in unbuilt yards. that's my only suggestion of change. Love this as it is, alf

Posted 2 Years Ago


jonah

2 Years Ago

Hello, alf. thank you very much for your review! i'm actually very glad that you could perceive the .. read more
Damn what a deep poem filled with loneliness. I really enjoyed it my friend... good work and thanks for sharing this piece.

Posted 2 Years Ago


jonah

2 Years Ago

thank you Aaron! glad you can feel the loneliness too haha. it's really something unique and we'll n.. read more
AaronFreitas

2 Years Ago

I hear ya brotha... gotta focus on what you feel as that is the truth that comes out... truthful wri.. read more
jonah

2 Years Ago

yeaah that's true hahaha. thanks again, Aaron!

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Added on March 30, 2015
Last Updated on March 30, 2015

Author

jonah
jonah

Indonesia



About
I'm 19 year old christian man who lives in Indonesia. Sometimes i find it difficult for me to explain my thoughts and emotions in a solid, organized way. I must admit, that's one weakness of mine that.. more..

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