Shadows

Im tired of hiding

Hiding in shadows

Waiting for this all too pass

Anticipating the departure of such an ugly soul

From my beautiful life
One and a half years, and it will be gone

One and a half years that I have to wait in the shadows

For if I don't, the ugliness will stick around much longer

Follow behind me as I continue to grow

Holding onto my shoulders, and falling to the ground

Trying to take me with it

But I will not fall

I will keep on climbing up no matter how long it takes

My goals I have set too high to just quit now

I at least need to try

I don't care how deep of a hole my debt digs

If im afraid of that, than im afraid of life

Because I will be successful, but its going to cost something to get there

But when I do get there, It will be worth it I swear

My life will be bright and happy

I wont stop until it is

I want you to slump on your couch and open the paper

And read about me, and my success

For you to pick up the phone and dial my number

“Hey Ricky, what do I do next?”

Author's Note

Constructive Criticism

Reviews

[dan]

Ricky, You want constructive criticism? How about this: Ricky, you are a good writer, especially considering your age. But first of all, you must be cognizant of the fact that if you wish to be taken seriously as a poet you must be more polished and pay attention to spelling, grammar and punctuation. You also seem to have really good ideas as the basis of your writes. Then it seems that, instead of letting that idea come to full flower in your imagination, you tend to think, "Oh, this is good...I need to hurry up and finish this!" Sometimes it's better, after the initial thought is arrived at, to let it sit for: a minute, 20 minutes, an hour...then come back to it, after some thought, and allow the idea to blossom, evolve. I'm not saying your stuff is no good; I am saying it is TOO good to be rushed, allow it to germinate and grow before you post it. You've got talent, guy, don't be in such a hurry; your talent will still be there, I promise. take care...dan

[child of God]

A wonderful write I see no grammer errors it has a nice flow to it it was a pleasure to read thank you for sharing

[Christa]

This is a nice poem, but it has several grammatical mistakes. A friend recently told me to try to use deeper language as well, things tend to flow better and add finesse when you do. Correcting the grammar would be a great start though (I'm not im, capitalize proper nouns, won't not wont; to name a few). Good luck and keep writing! :)