I Know I'm Crazy

A Story by turtlecat

Created for the 'Seeking Short Stories' contest by Rhea.

I wake up on a nice, warm Saturday morning in September. I’ve got a party next week. Hopefully Jamie will be there, I think. He’s this Italian cutie from my English class. I never thought I’d be that much of a party girl in college, but here I am. It’s only my first semester and I’ve already got friends. I slide my legs off the side of the bed and stand up. My legs still have that morning jelly-ness. I walk over towards my closet and open the door, looking in the mirror for a second. My waist is small and I’ve got nice collarbones but my thighs are a bit large and my stomach isn’t that flat. Giving a mini sigh at my body, I turn to rifle through my clothes. This dress, or that one. Sleeveless or t-shirt length. Maxi dress or mini skirt. Then comes the question of what shoes. I eventually decide on a sleeveless skater dress with horizontal black-and-white stripes running all over it. That goes with some bright red pointed flats and a red mini clutch purse. I pop in some black studs and swipe some bright red lipstick on that reminds me of Taylor Swift. Perfect, I think, until I catch sight of the way my belly pudges out a tad in the front. My stomach grumbles. No. My roommate �" who just happens to be my sister �" yawns and stretches. She’s so skinny. She’d look good in anything.

We head down to the dining hall to grab some breakfast. I take a momentary look at the line and then decide.

“No, you go on ahead. I already ate.”

Popping my laptop out of my bag and finding a table to sit at, I open up my browser. I Google ‘how to get skinny quick’. The first result is about dieting and exercise. I don’t have that much time. I scroll past all the Weight-Watchers ads and find a wiki-how article. It hasn’t been reviewed yet, but I honestly don’t care right now. Step 1, decrease your calorie intake. Step 2, increase your calorie burn. Step 3, limit your food to low-calorie stuff like celery. Ok, sure. Decrease calorie intake, check. I’ll just skip breakfast and lunch. It doesn’t really matter that much, anyway. I mean, the human body can go up to three weeks without food. If I only eat dinner, then I’ll still have enough food to get through the day and I’ll be losing weight. Plus, I’ll start running more. In fact, I think I’ll just go do that.

I text my sis that I’ll be off running at the gym. Slipping my computer back in my bag, I head back to my dorm to get changed. After I put on some running clothes and grab a water bottle, I head down to the gym. Our dorm has a private gym, so there’s never really anyone there. I head to the treadmill in the corner and look at the workouts. Performance, Speed, 30-minute, 300-Calorie Burn, 400-Calorie Burn. I select the 400-Calorie Burn option and start running. It starts off slow, then builds until I’m running pretty quickly. Then after about 45 minutes, it slows down and ends. I’m in pretty good shape, so I don’t feel that bad. But, I’m sweating like a pig because there’s not a lot of AC down here. So, I head to the pool. Locking the door behind me, I head into the nice, cool pool room. Because I’m the only one here and you can’t see into the room from the outside, I just strip and head in. I swim some laps and chill for a bit. Then I head back out again, dry off, and put my sweaty clothes back on. Slapping some more deodorant on, I head back towards the treadmill. This whole ordeal is making me slightly giddy. I hop back on and do the 400-Cal workout again. By now, I’m feeling kind of light-headed. I check my watch: 11:36. I head back to my dorm to shower and get changed, purposely taking longer than normal as an excuse for missing lunch. Later, around dinner time, I head to the dining hall and eat a banana and two sticks of celery. I go to bed hungry but feeling accomplished. This continues until next Tuesday. By now, I’m getting used to the rigorous routine of no food and more exercise. I’ve been aiming for losing about a pound a day, so I’ve dropped about 4 pounds so far. But it’s still not working. The only real difference is that my finger and wrist joints look a tad larger. My thighs are still big and my b***s are too large. I guess I’ll just cut out some dinner as well.

By Saturday, I’ve lost a total of 13 lbs. My thighs are looking better and my b***s are shrinking. I feel great about my body, and I love the way I look. But I’ve got to keep it that way. The only reason I look good is because I’m dieting so hard. If I stop this, I’ll just regress and get fat again. I’m still not as skinny as I want to be. I’ll just continue with this, eating only when I absolutely have to.

Two weeks later, I’ve lost 40 lbs. since I began. I’ve finally reached 100 lbs.! I’m looking great, but still not skinny enough. My arms are still a bit large for my taste. But I’m now skinnier than my sister, which is quite an accomplishment. She’s always been very thin naturally and she’s on our school cross country team. I half-way want to gloat about it, but I don’t want to make her feel bad. I mean, skinny isn’t everything. She’s still really beautiful as she is. I just still need to lose weight.

After 2 months, I’ve lost 5 more pounds, making it a total of 45 pounds that I’ve lost. I’ve never felt better about my body.

Two years later, I’ve come to a stop at 90 lbs. My doctor has told me not to continue, but it’s the only thing that works. I’m 5’8” and 90 lbs. I look like a supermodel when I do my hair and makeup right. I’m beautiful.

Two months later, she’s dead. She had been eating an apple every week, but she decided against it and amped up her exercising. She died at a total weight of 83 lbs., with a BMI of 12.62. She hadn’t eaten anything for three weeks. She died thinking she was still not skinny enough.