Beyond The Grey

Beyond The Grey

 

ripping the black

from shadowing our eyes,

 

and removing the foul

flavor of sour words;

from these mouths

 

now rightfully gaining our feet,

to walk beyond the stale grey...

 

for we do not deserve

any soulless existence

 

3-24-08

 

 

Reviews

[Travis Lawrence]

Short and sweet. I like how your diction contradicts your intentions. You counter all of it, but with double negatives. This is clever stuff...

"ripping the black
from shadowing our eyes,"
-- I see light

"and removing the foul
flavor of sour words;"
-- making them sweet, or neutral perhaps

"to walk beyond the stale grey..."
-- into color

"for we do not deserve
any soulless existence"
-- into a soulful existence

You use darkness to contradict darkness, I love it.

[vanishing]

James..powerful
the entire imagery is painted black
the concept is delving-dark
and speaks insight
is in experience in foreboding
You are a Top Notch poet

[April Child]

Very dark and dramatic piece with a strong message. Some things we can't control but how we react is what we can control. Congrats on your place in the contest :)

[Krista Laraine]

thank you, and good poem as well. isn't he great with the critiques?? (below) haha

[mick weller]

Make your mind up time here...

from shadowing - this sounds passive, working 'shadows' in would be stronger?
hmm, shadowing from doesn't work either?
maybe 'that shadows...

I don't know, I'm stumped, but I like the message

but I read: any soulless existence as - an existence without soul(?)
(... see why I don't do poetry?) is it 'cos I'm fighting it?

[Norma J. Jessee]

Yes, rise above it. If we don't want to share in what life throws at us, we can always add a little sugar and water and make lemonade from that lemon.

Very deep and powerful James

Keep them coming my friend.

[shadadakiya]

that is short but really deep,they should keep there mouth shutt if all they can do is speak bad thing's and yes you can walk away from the darkness that life can bring.good job

[E. M. Murren]

This is a work to meditate on. There is much meaning to this poem that falls between the words. It is really well done. Cheers.