There Sat a Bird

An observation in place and time.

There sat a bird
Upon a wire
It fell to earth
Beside a flower

Then came the wind
The rain and snow
Little creatures
Moving to and fro

In time there was
Not a thing left
Except the dust
And those few who wept

Reviews

[Emily Burns]

oh, I think you must have channeled Dickinson a little here, I like the perceived simplicity, which is ever so much deeper than it appears to be

i find birds every where i go, the hawk follows me and the crane, and my house is full of chickens, but that is another story

I have a poem that has almost the same imagery, just a little differend ending :)

[UfoAuthor]

I'm beginning to think that we may yet expose another aspect of kindred spirits. Perhaps there is a balance here that, as you point out, is a perceived simplicity but with a subtle depth. Let us soar upon those wings for a moment! :)

[Emily Burns]

there is a Kentucky poet, Jim Wayne Miller who describes his poetry as having perceptive depth, it is a nice story: Jim Wayne Miller, on his poetry:

" Growing up in North Carolina, I was often amused, along with other natives, at tourists who fished the trout streams. The pools, so perfectly clear, had a deceptive depth. Fishermen unacquainted with them were forever stepping into what they thought was knee-deep water and going in up to their waists or even their armpits, sometimes being floated right off their feet. I try to make poems like those pools, so simple and clear their depth is deceiving. I want the writing to be so transparent that the reader forgets he is reading and is aware only that he is having an experience. He is suddenly plunged deeper than he expected and comes up shivering."

" Good poetry will deal with ordinary things...and still manage to evoke a sense of wonder, of the miraculous."

[Emily Burns]

kindred, now there's a word, i think a wrote a poem with that title once upon a time, maybe the internet ate it, because I can't remember seeing it for a long time

[UfoAuthor]

I love it! Jim has surely walked in that light of illumination; and you too for that matter. Thank you for sharing that, Emily!

[UfoAuthor]

Well, if you find it (the 'kindred' poem), I would love to read it.

[Emily Burns]

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/Emily%20B/371032/

[Jolie Blossom]

You have a great way of bringing life to poems

[UfoAuthor]

Thank you, Jolie! That's very kind of you to say so. :)

[Jolie Blossom]

:)Very true!

[marlayesterday]

Just a simple truth, and I am sad for the little bird. So many do not even notice things like this in life.

[UfoAuthor]

There is an unwritten rule of this existence... of necessity, for every day that we live, something else must die. The little bird thanks you for your gift of sight.

[kublakhan27]

Reminds me a lot of William Blake, who was really good at producing concise and direct statements that still managed to carry multiple layers of interpretation if one chose to seek them out. I think this is the first time I've read one of your poems and it's a great one.^^

[UfoAuthor]

Thanks, a lot! Well, I know I'm no WB but I do appreciate the classics. I especially enjoy the poem referenced by your pen name. That one, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, is one I have read and reread many times. It such a shame that he was interrupted before he could finish it.

[kublakhan27]

No problem :) I know just what you mean...I've been reading that poem for years, and to this day, it sounds different to me every time...who knows how it could have went if he'd finished it. I think the same about Coleridge himself though...his personal demons took hold of him way too early...

[UfoAuthor]

That's what I've read as well. With respect to his work, I wonder if dealing with those demons would have affected his subsequent work and in what way. (A rhetorical question.)

[kublakhan27]

That's a good question, and you probably could apply it rhetorically to any of the artists that have died younger than they should, especially when personal turmoil has a hand in it.

[Kenneth S.]

No words minced here.

[UfoAuthor]

True, but quite verbose compared to sienikeha! :o) Thank you!

[Kenneth S.]

Yeah, that may be true. But this is far shorter than a two-minute pop song.

[sienikeha]

i like this line: "Expect the dust" straight- to the point.

[UfoAuthor]

Oh, that. Yea, I call that "bilateral symmetric reflectionism" ... it's a new poetic technique (something I just pulled out of the ether) to explain that dyslexic typo. You are so kind (and clever) to point out that it actually _could_ work; I mean conceptually. But, alas, it should read "Except." Thank you for your review and the application of your keen editorial eye! Now, do I change it to what was intended or leave it as is? Hmm... perhaps I'll sleep on it.

[sienikeha]

except or expect could both work.

[UfoAuthor]

Yes, but only one flows into the last line without a discontinuity. :) But, now that you've pointed it out, I do like that error. Perhaps it deserve some special treatment in another place. Thank you!

[UfoAuthor]

It's my keyboard... really. It "bounces" and ... for unreadable sentences.

[sienikeha]

the error is often the answer.
whoa... very fortune-cooky. :P

[UfoAuthor]

wow! THAT didn't come out right at all! Let me test something ... I'm going to try and type "insert lame excuse" in angle brackets with hypens: ||

[UfoAuthor]

Aha! So, it's NOT always my fault... this comment editor sucks.

[UfoAuthor]

What the heck did YOU see, sienikeha?

[sienikeha]

looked normal enough

[UfoAuthor]

Hmm, well don't take this the wrong way but your idea of "normal" may open to discussion. ;-)

[UfoAuthor]

"be" insert between "may" and "to" Argh! Bad fingers, BAD FINGERS!

[sienikeha]

quite true. no argument!

[Frank James Davis]

The strong appeal of this work is so tied up with our vague, ever-present melancholia at mortality, in general, and the mild bewilderment to sheer panic at the thought of our own inevitable journey into seeming oblivion, specifically.
Whatever the reasons, U, we recognize that your poem elicits feelings of sad truth and, in some manner we don't fully understand, portrays utter beauty.
Brilliant in its simplicity; brilliant in every way!

[UfoAuthor]

I sincerely appreciate this commentary. I think you have revealed and elucidated points of common understanding that before were only hidden and/or vaguely understood by most (myself included). In my opinion, it exemplifies an essential essence that should be integral to all thoughtful critiques; no matter the form of expression.

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

This is very evocative for me. The last stanza is quite moving and takes my mind to thoughts (as I feel sure you intended) of how we are all "birds" and in the end will have a similar fate...most of us, only remembered by the "few who wept". Even, as I write this I am wondering again about the "bird on a wire", the one resting, not flying. The one observing it all...perhaps the loner? There is a lot to think about in this short and beautiful poem.

[UfoAuthor]

It's so hard to say what I'm feeling now, about your review that is. For me, creating a resonance of thought and emotion isn't something that's intentional. Like most, I think we're just trying to "get it out" - because we're inspired (compelled) and it seems both necessary and right. Speaking for myself only, sometimes I don't always understand what I've written until later or until someone, such as yourself, explains it to me. That is a great gift indeed. Thank you!

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I am so glad if the review had meaning for you. The poem had meaning for me. - Claire

[rabbit]

I love this. Simple. It uses cheerful language but has a melancholy idea, I like that

[UfoAuthor]

Thank you! I appreciate your positive comments. :)

[Transience]

these simple lines have deftly handled a painfully cosmic truth.sad and sweet.

[UfoAuthor]

Thank you... I appreciate your comment. :)