All Alone

All Alone

A Poem by ExquisiteEyes
"

Just a thought...

"
 The moon shines in the night sky
 Millions of stars surround her
 But they're all so far away
 There is none by her side.

 A lone ship sails in the sea
 People swarm on its deck
 But with no other ship in sight,
 There is none by her side.

 A red bloom adorns the bouquet
 It sits amidst the white ones
 Yet it feels all alone
 Like, there is none by its side.

 I am all alone
 There is none by my side
 People surround me all the while
 Yet the gap between us is so far wide
.

© 2015 ExquisiteEyes



Author's Note

ExquisiteEyes
I decided to upload it just the way I wrote it. I know there is room for improvement...so please tell me how to do it.
Which one is better- 'There is none beside her' or 'There is none by her side'?

My Review

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Featured Review

This is actually very eye opening. Although others might have had a harder time understanding what you were trying to portray, I saw the message loud and clear. ( that must mean I feel just as alone as you.) I find it clever and significant of you to emphasize how even though one can be surrounded by so much, it is close to impossible to truly understand how they feel, ultimately making them not so much alone physically, but very alone on a deeper and more mental level. I love it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you. I am glad you like it.



Reviews

This is a specific type of aloneness. I know the feeling of being the misfit. You've selected good examples that are also good analogies & show us a more far-reaching version of this feeling. The last line of the first 3 stanzas sounds fine to me. I'm not crazy about "like" in front of the last line of 3rd stanza, tho. Everything else reads smoothly & definitely gets your point across well.

Posted 1 Year Ago


You're maybe questioning the impact of your presence to others. You're there, being seen, yet being ignored. You feel bothered who remembers you, who truly cares for you.

Great piece, emotional and easy to read. I really love this! :)

Posted 1 Year Ago


This is a moving piece. The message sneeks up on you, but once read is (as Sarah put it) loud and clear.
A life within a life, spent amongst hundreds all alone...

as to your note. I like "by her side"

bill


Posted 1 Year Ago


ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Gee..thanks :)
I like this. I take from this that sometimes when we are surrounded, we can still be so alone.
Also I refer There is none beside her.

Posted 1 Year Ago


ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you :)
Hello Ex, we all have our fair shares of loneliness, and you've
Expressed it quite well in this piece. Although I do believe
That there's no such thing as a lonely place, just
Lonely people. So surrounding my self with
Such vibrant beings is the best way for
Me to cope. I'm not so big with
writing corrections but if you
asked me I would switched
The lines # 1 and # 2
To better the
Rhyming
At First
Stanz.


" Millions of stars surrounds her,
As the Moon shines in the night sky.
But since they're all so far away,
There is but none by her side."

The repetition of "There is none by her side" in all stanzas I believe
Is what make this poem beautiful and in tack, to complement your
Title "All Alone" hopes this helps.

Thanks for the send and the add :-)



Posted 1 Year Ago


ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you for the review
I really liked this piece and I do like the way your wrote it along with the structure. It reminds me of a piece I wrote "Sideway Smiles". I like how this is a free verse poem and so heart telling.

Posted 1 Year Ago


ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you :)
This is actually very eye opening. Although others might have had a harder time understanding what you were trying to portray, I saw the message loud and clear. ( that must mean I feel just as alone as you.) I find it clever and significant of you to emphasize how even though one can be surrounded by so much, it is close to impossible to truly understand how they feel, ultimately making them not so much alone physically, but very alone on a deeper and more mental level. I love it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you. I am glad you like it.
I feel the imagery is there but as Bear stated its flow didn't work well for me I feel. Although overall you captured the attack, its still a good write.

~Rob~

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thanks. :)
well i think ... there is none by her side is well suited to the poem

Posted 1 Year Ago


grt ... gud explanation of being alone ..by using 3 genuine examples ... worthful subject ... i appreciate it ...keep it up dear

Posted 1 Year Ago


ExquisiteEyes

1 Year Ago

Thank you :)
nupur chauhan

1 Year Ago

ur most welcome

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Added on December 13, 2015
Last Updated on December 13, 2015

Author

ExquisiteEyes
ExquisiteEyes

West Bengal, India



About
Hi! I am a 16 year old girl. I love to write and share it with others.Its just been about a year and a half that I have started writing. It was my friend who told me that I write well and should try t.. more..

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