All Alone

Just a thought...

 The moon shines in the night sky
 Millions of stars surround her
 But they're all so far away
 There is none by her side.

 A lone ship sails in the sea
 People swarm on its deck
 But with no other ship in sight,
 There is none by her side.

 A red bloom adorns the bouquet
 It sits amidst the white ones
 Yet it feels all alone
 Like, there is none by its side.

 I am all alone
 There is none by my side
 People surround me all the while
 Yet the gap between us is so far wide.

Author's Note

I decided to upload it just the way I wrote it. I know there is room for improvement...so please tell me how to do it.
Which one is better- 'There is none beside her' or 'There is none by her side'?

Reviews

[Sarah]

This is actually very eye opening. Although others might have had a harder time understanding what you were trying to portray, I saw the message loud and clear. ( that must mean I feel just as alone as you.) I find it clever and significant of you to emphasize how even though one can be surrounded by so much, it is close to impossible to truly understand how they feel, ultimately making them not so much alone physically, but very alone on a deeper and more mental level. I love it.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I am glad you like it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

in sixth line, i read the phrase as "its deck"

but wow, really like this piece, and have been there many times...feeling lonely in a crowded room...it isn't how many people who surround us, it is how we feel inside...and with poets, sometimes that gap is very wide.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you for pointing it out :)
I am glad that you like it. And I think we feel lonely in a crowded room also because there is no one whose frequency matches with ours.

[Southern_Writes]

Really enjoyed this message

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I am glad that you like it

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Spontaneous writes should be left the way they are. It shows exactly what a writer can always produce.
As for the lone feeling... All too relatable for me.
Well written.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. This version is what you call the 'first draft'. I uploaded it just like I wrote it for the first time.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

you're welcome
..

[alifeacoustic]

Maybe its just.me but I have noticed that when you see a lone star in the night sky, or a lone ship off in the distance, you think of the majesty and beauty of it all, yet most people seeing someone alone in a crowd, barely recognise or even acknowledge them. I am always drawn to people who sit alone. I find them much more interesting than most. Its usually one of those things you look back on and feel good about getting a glimpse of their life you wouldnt normally have seen.
Great write. As for your comments, I prefer there is none by her side. Has a more haunting echo to it.

[ExquisiteEyes]

Thank you. I have changed the line accordingly.
Even I am drawn to people who sit alone or stand alone. I find it easier to talk to them. And I feel really good when they open up to me and I come to know about their lives...things that people usually don't share...maybe I helped them to ease off a burden.

[alifeacoustic]

True. Its always nice to make a moment then share it. Even if you never see that person again, they will have good memories of you.