August 8A Chapter by Calypso
My heart was beating faster then I could contain as I approached Belle’s door. I could see a faint light in the corner of the window, but of course a sheet of large paper blocked her window so I couldn’t really tell much.
In my mind I was screaming Abort! Abort! Abort! ,but as I was about to walk away Belle opened the door.
She had a thin coat on her arm and turned off the light but as she saw me her eyes widen and she automatically turned the lights back on.
“If it’s too late I can always come back and…”
Belle didn’t speak. Instead she motioned me into her room. This time I didn’t bother to take my shoes off and neither did she.
feel in the pit of my stomach that nothing pleasant was going to be talked
about. I had spent the night wondering how this would go. I imagined Belle calling Dad, telling him everything and in a fit of anger Dad would more or less shoot me. Then I imagined her telling me I was being kicked out of the program. Dad would be called and in a fit of anger he would more or less flog me. Either way I felt like Dad would be added into the mix and I would be killed.
Before speaking Belle reached into her mini-frig and pulled out two cans of Diet Coke, one for me and the other for her.
“So what happened? Well a better question would be, are you okay?”
“Ya, I mean I’m fine.”
"How is your lip?" She looked at the black stitched on them.
"It's okay. They have me medication at the doctor. It helps."
Belle sat on her mini-frig and thought for a second “He wasn’t trying to… rape you was he?”
“I’m sure he was going to. He was in the car naked.” After adding the last past I wanted to hide. Maybe it’s about time I learn how to shut up.
Belle’s face turned a white color. She stood up to go to her desk and my stomach dropped. I was really hoping we was not going to call anyone. “So who was the creep?”
I thought for a second. What was Roman anyways? He wasn’t a boyfriend, but I went farther with him then anyone else. “A boyfriend.”
Belle pulled out some papers. “I can’t believe it. Did you ever have sex?”
Anger suddenly blared through me and I couldn’t help but to jump up and point a finger at her. “I don’t know who you think you are, but you have no control over me. I bet your just being nice so you can be my Dad’s spy.”
“Aelge, calm down. Please just take deep breaths and let me explain this.”
I didn’t sit down, but I did listen to what she had to say.
“You were being attacked and I make a promise to watch over you, not spy on you. I had a father too mind you, and I know how bad they can be, so count me on your side.”
My heart slowed down. “Go on.”
said. I promise to never tell your dad what we talk about. But you know when I
have to break that rule, and so far so good.” She took the she pulled out and wrote some websites on them. I was handed them and told they were resources for people who had been sexually abused, or in my case, raped or almost raped.
I popped open my can and I slurped my Diet Coke before answering, “I understand.”
“So then. Did you have sex?”
“Well he…” I could feel myself blush a deep red. “Well once… we kind of… petted each other.”
“You didn’t give it up did you?”
“I’ll admit that you shouldn’t have done that. The only time a guy should ‘pet’ you is when you’re married or if you’re a goat and since you’re neither that was wrong. With that said you don’t have to live in shame. God forgave you when he died on the cross. It’s just about time that you forgave yourself.”
I didn't answer, just drank the diet coke.
“What’s the worse that will happen if you forgive yourself?”
I thought for second and confessed, “I don’t know.”
“God tells us to forgive and forget others, well why shouldn’t we do the same for ourselves?”
I slurped my Diet Coke even louder as I thought. “Sure. Why not?”
“I’m serious Aelge.”
I lurched forward and started kneading the knots in my neck. “I know you’re not joking, things have been so crazy in the past week.”
For the next hour we talked over my feelings and it felt easier to talk to her.
© 2012 Calypso
A Forgiver in Ivory
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