Chapter XVI Part IIA Chapter by Calypso
January ran full speed out of the center and pushed though the protesters out side.
It was the coldest day of the year but January sat in car, without turning it on and cried.
She sat her head on the stirring wheel and sobbed. She couldn’t imagine what emotions her family would feel if they knew she had walked into an abortion clinic. Celia would have killed her, and January wouldn’t have blamed her. Sometimes she would like to kill herself.
She was barely clam enough to drive put she flooded the pedal and drove until she came to a church.
The church she came upon looked small, was Catholic and there was only a few cars sitting here or there. The sign in from of the church as that confessionals were between 8am and 3pm. It was 2:30.
Before setting out of the car she covered her face with her toboggan and wrapped up part of her face with her scarf.
The lights were on in the church but the only lights in the sanctuary were fifty candles spread though out.
At he end was a statute of Jesus, gilded and about ten feet tall. January walked between the pews until she came up to older women some praying, some standing up.
They looked like nuns and acted like them too.
One of the women standing up said, “How may I help you child?”
“Is there… confessionals?”
The women looked over her glasses and said, “You mean ‘Are there confessionals?’”
Never in her life has January wanted to slap a nun before but instead she nodded.
The nun seemed satisfied enough so she answered, “Yes. Father Baynerd is doing confessionals today.” She pointed to two wooden boxes connected together. “Set in there, he’s waiting.”
January nervously walked into the claustrophobic box. There was a plank where you sat and on the right side of the box were craving that opened up to the other side of the box. The holes in the cravings were covered with a screen weaved together tightly.
January began kneading her knee and spoke, “Bless me Father for I have sinned, this is my first confession since last year.”
“What is wrong my child?” The Father sounded older then his shadow.
“I’ve broken all ten commandants.” January paused to take inventory of her life. She was about to correct herself by saying that she hasn’t put anything before God, but that would have been a lie.
“If that is so child then I believe you should pray the rosary more and read your Bible more often. How often do you do both?”
January had to think about it. “I kinda gave up on God after September. So two months.”
She thought she heard the man sigh but he was really preparing an answer. “It may be for the best. Is there anything else?”
“I’m pregnant.” January admitted without thinking about it. “And I’m not married nor am I in a relationship with the child’s father.”
January felt dizzy and like she had taken a hit in the gut but she held back the tears. The last thing she wanted was to walk out of the confessional box with red, puffy eyes.
Father Baynerd coughed and spoke after a pause that made January extra nervous. “Mistake happen child. We often don’t think about what we do before doing it, yet God isn’t happy. You need to try to volunteer at the church and say ten extra Hail Marys for the nest month.”
“But,” January whispered. “Will I still burn for my sin, or will I go purgatory after death? This child…is the product of rape. Its father drugged me and attacked me when I couldn’t fight back.”
January could hardly believe she had admitted this to a stranger. Good thing she had been raised to go to confessionals and that the priest couldn’t see her.
He answered softly and kindly. “What you are going though is not your fault but the fault of the devil. God understands and is with you. Have you said anything to the police or your family?”
“No, I’m afraid.”
“Crimes should never go unpunished and you need closure. Does the father know about your pregnancy?”
“No and I also almost aborted the child.”
“What happened? Did you?”
“No, I just became afraid. I’m so scared. I don’t want to kill my child but I don’t want it to be born. I want to take the father to court but I don’t want to see his face.”
“I believe the real solution to your problems is to come open to the police and your family.”
January wanted to whimper but she dug her nails into the palm of her hand until the urge passed.
“Do you think you can do that?”
There was a tap on the door. January looked out and saw the older nun with a woman at her side. January figured there was a limit to how long the confessional went on and they had surpassed their limit.
This nun must be ballsier then most nuns January had ever meet.
“I believe our time is up and don’t forget to do what I’ve asked of you.”
Before stepping out of the confessional box January wrapped her face up again in the scarf and after answered. “I’ll try.”
© 2011 Calypso
Added on June 20, 2011
Last Updated on June 20, 2011
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