The Alterated Puzzle

The different pieces of puzzle put together makes the picture perfect. In the same way people distinct from one another makes the world a better place :)

тнe αlтeяαтe∂ ρυzzle

Seven billion people in seven distant lands,

Scattered as products of desolate brands.

We are the puzzle pieces, distinct from each,

As leaves give beauty to an evergreen beech.

Different pieces of puzzle, put into a frame,

Individual piece have no identity or name.

Together we build in solitary perfection,

A humane beauty beyond perception.

Author's Note

Point out the grammar mistakes, if any, I dont know if there is/are :P Writer's block after 8 lines :P dunno what to add further :P

Reviews

[RunawayWriter]

I really love this, amazing talent!!

[unfathomd]

Thank You Julissa :)

[Chip Murison]

I really like the theme and the rhyme. The rhythm is really good too in the first 5 lines. For me, it loses the punch when you leave that rhythm behind in the last 3 lines. I love the sentiment but it just doesn't flow right for my ear. All in all though - I like it. :-)

[unfathomd]

True :) Even I felt the same.. Need to find a way to improve :) by the way, I read your poem 'The Crash' its amazing :D

[Carolynn]

I like the reference to the human race being solitary perfection - if we could all see ourselves as part of everyone else wouldn't that solve all of earths problems? I think this poem is great left where you ended it - to me it doesn't need any more which is probably why you got writers block - it just didn't need anything more :) great job!

[unfathomd]

I wouldn't call everyone "perfect" even though thats what we want :) little imperfections are always for good :)

[Katie]

I really liked this piece. The flow is beautiful, this would be a great read-aloud at a poetry place. You are very talented.

[unfathomd]

Thank you katie :D :D

[I Am Svetlana]

When you wrote 'beech', did you mean 'beach' instead? Like an ocean beach? And this is a powerful write, describing how humanity is made up of different types of people to make the world population. It's always good to have diversity around you. You get introduced to new cultures, food, traditions, etc. It's a great learning opportunity to learn about new cultures. This also makes me feel that much more grateful for being adopted.

[unfathomd]

no.. not really i meant the tree.. the beech tree :) Earlier when I wrote this piece I was uncertain if a person would comprehend the meaning.. :) Its nice to see that you've got it :) Thank you for the review Svetlana.. it means a lot :)

[I Am Svetlana]

Oh, silly me! I've never heard of a beech tree before. I'm normally quick to notice errors in grammar. But you're very welcome, I'm always around to give a kind review.

[unfathomd]

Oh! Thank you! but there is a mistake beech is not an evergreen tree. :) Wanted to rhyme there. :)

[Karmee]

I really enjoyed the theme of this,
It's a wonderful hopeful write.
I really enjoyed this write, awesome flow as well.

[unfathomd]

Awww! Thanks a lot for the review :) I tried to make it as realistic as possible because, realistic writing strikes our senses... harder :)

[Karmee]

yes it does, I try and write that way some times.

[Coyote Poetry]

Hopeful and good words shared.
"Together we build in solitary perfection,
A humane beauty beyond perception."
Would take a billion people to stand together to change our world. I hope one day we can. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[unfathomd]

Thank You Coyote, for the review :) One day.. we will :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I hope ASAP and you are welcome.

[Anindita Janhabee]

After a long time, got to read your work...
nice flow with rhyming words, its a simple way to describe a lot of things...
''Puzzle'' is just so much simple yet bright example to relate...
well done, i think the 3rd line should be - 'we are the puzzle pieces, distinct from each'
but it was just a thought... keep it up!
Anindita

[unfathomd]

Thanks Anindita :) I changed it.. earlier it did sound a bit awkward. Thanks fr d suggestion :)

[Anindita Janhabee]

welcome...

[andrew mitchell]

if only it was true and we all got on. nice work