defenders

thought i should write a war poem. its not that good but enjoy ^_^

Reviews

[x_ranger]

I thought it was pretty ok. I agree that it seemds a little unrefined, but overall it says enough. Nice job.

[Hannah]

By far, I think the best part of the poem was the ending. The final 2 lines really had a bunch of impact, it was a perfect way to end the poem. As for the rest, it could use some work. I know you were trying to stick to a certain rhyming form, but because of that I feel like the poem's lost some of its meaning. As much as you want to rhyme something, you have to be careful about losing meaning in order to make a rhyme. You can't force the rhyme or it'll sound exactly that, forced.
Overall, it was a nice read :)

[Harley (arbiter)]

Yeah. It was my first really war poem. Thanks for the honesty ^_^

[Hannah]

Wow for a first it's pretty damn good!

[Harley (arbiter)]

Thanks I honestly don't think its that good and it needs a deal of work. But ill get better and maybe come back to it ^_^ lol

[♪Barklight♪]

wow. wait, how the hell did i end up in the middle of a battle field?! jokes, good work Harly!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

A sad poem. I liked it, though there is room for improvement

[Harley (arbiter)]

Yeah I know, a lot. Lol

[♪The Girl Next Door♪]

Lol no it's pretty good. I liked it :)