Don't Let Go

A young woman is terrified by a creature at night tormenting her whenever she finds herself lost in the dark. She meets a new stranger who seems to help keep her fears away, but who is he really?

The sun sets on the city. As the rays of light slowly disappear, the demons creep back in to start feeding on my soul again. The pain is no longer what inconveniences me about the nightly ritual that has occurred since as long as I could remember, it was what happens if they destroy the only thing I have that makes me feel human anymore. I don’t know the exact moment the feeding started or why, just that my earliest memories are of me as a child and the demons creeping in my room and into my soul. Why me? What was it that started it all? Why can’t I remember? Will I ever have my answers or know why this has happened to me? No time to think about it now. Its time… Sundown.

                As the final light escapes off the edge of the world, questions begin whirling around in my head as I try to ignore what I feel going on in my chest. The pain is bearable but like when you have a sprain, you can still function but move the wrong way and you learn real quickly to not do it again until the pain is completely gone. I pulled my long black hair up into a knot on the top of head and began trying to find any way I could to keep the images out of my head. What if the sun was scared of the dark and that’s why it ran away every night because it knew what the night could hold? How could something that bright, and powerful run away and leave me on my own like that when every night I stayed there and accepted that it would never stop.

                There really was nothing special about me. Average height, average health, average weight, average everything. It was near impossible to pick me out of a crowd and I liked it that way. The only thing that made me noticeable at all was my hair. The length flirtatiously crawled down my back and stopped just above my average waistline. It had not always been that way. The first demon visited me as a child and I was not equipped for what was happening to me at such a young age. My innocent soul ripped apart and devoured never to be regained or even explored, just destroyed. The name I have come to know that demon as is Kai-Heel. He was the first to visit me, the first to begin 17 years of losing my humanity. Adrianna, “the nutrient source for evil”, at least it had a nice ring to it.

                Morning crept back in as the pain slowly subsided and my body became my own again. Somewhere during the feast I fell in and out of sleep. The sleep was restless though, filled with horrible visions of a world I hoped I would never see, never be a part of. The shower always called my name after a night like that. Some nights there would be rest, no feeding, no dreams, just peace. Others I was not sure if I would survive it. After my refreshing shower I had to get ready for work. The public library in Danvers, Massachusetts was not the most glamorous of jobs, but I had plenty of time to myself. No one was expected to talk to me except to ask for something. The idea of being alone made me happy. I liked being alone and never having to explain my habits or behaviors. Danvers was a small town and not many people could find it on a map, but it was full of beauty and wonder. It is also very close to Salem which attracts the tourists and keeps things interesting from time to time.

                As I wandered through the stacks of books on shelves reaching high above my head, the questions starting creeping up again. I asked them every day and most nights but had no answers. No idea on what started all this and why I could not remember anything from before that night. Apparently the questions had overtaken my reality and my book cart ran directly into the side of a man that was walking through the isles.

 

“I am so sorry, my head was someplace else. Are you alright? Can I do anything for you?”

 

The smile that crept across his face was warm and sweet. He answered, “Well you could start by telling me your name, and if I can take you to dinner tonight?”

 

I was taken back. This poor stranger was surely going to have a bruise from my cart, and I never was the one that got asked out. I had seen many guys use the library for someplace to be suave and romantic. It never worked. This felt different though, he, he felt different.

 

“I’m sorry the offer is appreciated but unnecessary. I hope you’re ok and let me know if I can get you’re an ice pack or something.”

 

That’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to scream yes. What was happening? Why was this one man breaking through everything I had built and lost over the years with just one smile, one offer of kindness? Despite myself I smiled at him. My face was almost in shock of itself as my lips turned upward for the first time in years. I walked away and went back about my daily tasks my eyes could not help but turn to see that sweet man I just encountered was still watching me, and still smiling. It was so deep and kind. Something I had never encountered. The kindness from his face distracted me yet again and I almost ran into another guest of our public library. Two innocent people ran down by me that could definitely cost me my job or at least a sobriety test. The man whom had so devoutly caught my attention laughed. It was heartfelt and deep. Deeper than anything I had ever known in my existence. I had to know more and why I was so drawn to him, but as I walked toward him, I saw the sun and was reminded of my nightly struggles to hold onto my humanity. The allure of his smile slowly faded and with it the desire to know what had happened in those few moments where the world seemed safe.

 

NEXT PART:

 

My shift at the library went by faster than usual as I contemplated this new stranger. As the last minutes winded down I became hopeful. Maybe he would come back tomorrow and I could see him. That enquiring smile that was so new to me crept onto my face as I walked out the door. The sun was still bright and the heat and warmth seemed to seep into my skin to try to heal whatever damage was done the night before but there was no repairing what they had done to me. That was a truth that I had accepted as a child shortly after all this started. I took my job at the library for the fact I would work only during the day and have unlimited resources to study and learn about my affliction but no matter what I read it did not seem to make sense to me. There were plenty of biblical and satanic guides explaining the background of a demon, possessions, exorcisms, etc. Here is where it gets tricky. An exorcism is very tricky and ninety percent of them are not real. I would basically be allowing myself to get locked up and giving myself no time to enjoy my days in the sun, where it is safe. I refused to give up my time in the light. It was the only thing that made me feel human still.

 

As I strolled home that warm smile of that man crept all through my mind and I felt his warmth stay with me. Whatever was happening, it was changing me. The sun began to set as I trudged through the front door. I pulled my long hair back up into the knot, as I started my nightly ritual. I drank some Jasmine tea, dropped lavender on my pillow to all help me to relax and sleep through what was coming. I changed into my favorite pink shorts and a tank top with a large catholic cross on it. It never worked at keeping the demons out but I at least felt I was giving them the finger as they were demolishing my holds on humanity. The light slowly slipped out of the room and as the sun went off the edge of the earth again, I laid back on my bed. One single tear fell with the last light escaped from sight. It begins again.

 

This time Kai-Heel was not the first one to arrive. It was a few demons that must have been new at this feeding on the souls of innocent thing. They were like a teenage boy trying to undo his first bra. Fumbling, ruining the mood for whoever else was involved. These three were a joke. After some of the visitors I had, this was almost an insult that they would be here being so reckless with such a precious gift. This was my humanity they were mishandling. Then as if I felt a fiery fist go through my chest Kai-heel was here. He began to tear through me with a new haste I had not seen before. He was determined to do something. Was it killing me? With that thought I tried to take my mind elsewhere to keep my humanity as long as I could. Unlike most people I couldn’t think about my family, I didn’t remember them, I had no friends, no pet, nothing. It was just me, on my own. Then as I closed my eyes to accept defeat and that I would not survive this, a warm face with a welcoming smile appeared to me. Whatever it was about this man, the weaker, rash demons were the first to run. They disappeared into the night, and as though being pulled out of me against his will Kai-Heel had his nails dug into me and desired so strongly to just finish what he had started. “Until tomorrow Adrianna, this will never stop until you are completely mine.” I was alone. The scraps of my soul still intact, and the warmth that I had just seen in a single smile warming me and comforting me. Who was that man? What had just happened to me?

 

I slept that night for the first time for as long as my memory spans without any nightmares. The room was warm and comfortable. Work was steadily approaching and the excitement I had now was beyond what I could control. For the first time ever I talked to people and tried to make connections with my co-workers. I figured that was what had helped me the night before, connections with people. Sandra, was 63 years old and had worked at the library since in had been re-built in 1958. She loved the library and the knowledge that was available to anyone willing to work to find it. It was amazing making this connection. She had always been there and I had never spoken to her. She was small and frail, yet had a strength to her I found promising. Her long gray hair was always pulled into a bun, and she had the small glasses that most stereotypical librarians were known to have. She was a widow with 3 children and 8 grandchildren. It was amazing sitting and hearing her story and soaking in the memories she shared with me. The way she lived her life and loved everything she had in it. My shift flew by unfortunately. The next thing I knew, it was closing and creeping towards sunset. I was extremely excited to get home and test my new theory of connections and see if that would chase off those creatures that had cost me so much all these years. Would they be ready this time? What would it do to them this time?

 

The night seemed less scary as it approached. I was prepared. I knew what I had to do and how to do it and the possibilities were endless on what could happen for me. As I dropped the lavender on my pillow I saw the light escape out the window. Before I could even lay down to prepare myself for the invasion I felt them coming at me at a new speed. The impact of Kai-Heel and his followers hitting me sent me flying against the wall. They ravaged my soul. The pain was a new kind, a desperate kind that they knew they were losing control. As the pain began to be too much and make my vision go blurry, I tried to hang on to the memories I had made with Sandra. Her face, her family, her strength, I imagined it all. The feeling from the night before of them being thrown from me was what kept me conscience. Unfortunately something was different, they didn’t leave me. They mocked me. The picture in my head of her sweet elderly face became twisted, monstrous, and I screamed at the sight of it. The pain went deeper, I could not hold it in any longer. The screams escaped my throat, the tears ran down my face, the hope I had found and longed for escaped out with ever tear that feel as they took so much from me that I did not know if I would know who I was when they finally finished. As I screamed and thrashed and tried to escape, I heard Kai-Heel,

 

 “You are mine. You will always be mine until I am finished with you. No other will love you, touch you, or save you. Do not fight this, or I will teach you a lesson for your insolence again.”

 

He was gone. He withdrew as he spoke those final words. The sunlight crept back in my room of my apartment and I prayed no one heard the noise I had made. That it was all in my head, but a knock on my door made me realize that it wasn’t. The tears still stained my face, my throat was sore from the screams that escaped. I opened my door to see that handsome stranger from the library there. He looked nearly as tired as me.

 

“Hi, my name is Alex. Are you ok? I am new to this…town. I am your neighbor and heard you screaming. I have been knocking for hours. I tried to break down the door but it was unmovable. I tried to call the police to come help but my phone would not work. Are you ok? What happened? Please can I help you?”

 

I was so scared and so weak that no matter what I tried to do to convince myself to send him away I couldn’t. I invited him in and we both sat on my bed and just looked at each other. I needed to know what was happening and who this man was. I needed to know if I could trust him or what he was. I went ahead and before getting started on that called into work saying that I was very sick and needed at least a day off. Sandra was very kind and wished me luck on feeling better. Even the sweetness in her voice was marred by the twisted face I had seen in the night. I quickly hung up the phone as I became afraid of the elderly librarian. I turned to my new guest and began to wonder where do I begin. The only thing I wanted was to see that smile again but as he looked at me. I saw concern, I saw fear for me, I saw feelings. I was still human. I knew this now from the fact that I felt something to. He could save me. He was the one that had saved me before. But how, and how can I have him do it again? Whatever it was I knew one thing was undeniable, this man was who I needed, who I wanted. He was my savior.

 

Part 3:

 

There was longing between us. A longing for answers and not sure where to begin or how to start talking about what we know was nothing we had talked about with anyone before.

“My name is Adrianna. I have…night terrors. They cause me to scream out sometimes. I am sorry for disturbing you. Would you like some tea or can I get anything for you? I feel awful for keeping you up all night, you know, like this.”

 

“So, you wouldn’t mind keeping me up all night another way?” Alex’s warm smile came back as I saw he was teasing me. I could feel that warmth inside my chest. As if his smile was putting something new there, some feeling I had never had before. He had the bluest eyes, and the sweetest face. There was nothing to hide with this face. He was taller than me, and sturdy. His face had stubble as though you could tell he had not shaved since the day he met me. I kept coming back to those eyes now. Worried, intense, caring beautiful eyes, it almost made me blush looking into them. “It’s ok, I was not trying to embarrass you, and I just was hoping to see you smile. That scared me I did not know what was happening to you or how to help.  Are you sure you’re ok? Is there anything I can get for you or do?”

 

The question startled me. I was not used to letting someone in let alone letting someone help me. I asked him to help make me some tea. He walked over towards the kitchen and I helped him figure out where everything was. As he started the tea, he looked over at me and I could tell that the reason the night before did not work was because I did not get close to him. What if I was wrong again and tried to fight them again. What would they do to me then? Alex came back over to me with tea. He handed it to me with a smile and unfortunately a question, “So where are you from?” I had always told everyone some story I had made up long ago. With him though, I could not lie. There was no way for me to bring myself to.

 

“Well I am from Virginia. I ran away when I was 6 and stayed in a convent until I was 18. I don’t remember anything from my childhood or when the de…night terrors, started. I just know that I was 6 and no one understood and I had to escape and try to get help. I went to the convent thinking the catholic religion would have some sort of saving grace for me. Some way they could show me what I need to do to make them stop. They just called me a liar and flogged me anytime I disturbed anyone during the night. I got beaten regularly and just learned that the best way God could help me was by telling me to keep my mouth shut about it. That there is no hope, for me at least.”

 

I knew as I spoke the last words that I had said too much. His face had a shock to it but not the kind I was expecting. He was angry, his blue eyes faltered. I could have sworn that his beautiful blue eyes turned dark. So dark they were the darkest blue I had ever seen. His smile was not there anymore. I was scared of what I said that had upset him so much.

 

“This is an outrage! Those people use God to punish people who are actually looking for help, guidance, and salvation! How is God supposed to be believed to be real or true if the people acting in his name are so evil? I am so sorry Adrianna that you ever had to endure anything like that. I wish someone would have been there for you to help you. To guide you through how to get rid of your…night terrors, as you call them. Where was your guide?!”

 

He was standing at this point and yelling. The warm feeling was still there but now was more of a fire then just a comfort. It burned inside me as if trying to melt everything inside me all the pain, the anger, the loneliness. My heart was all fluttery from the sudden sensation of high heat and my head began to spin, I started seeing spots, just flashes really all around me. I tried to look at Alex to see what was happening but all I could see of him was his blue eyes. They returned to their normal color, or maybe I imagined them changing, but they were the last thing I saw. I fell backwards, further and further, it felt as though my bed were at the bottom of the longest fall imaginable. I finally felt the bed around me, then darkness.

 

Part 4:

 

 I opened my eyes, all around me was gray, and dark. It was cold, the air was thick and hard to breathe. I started walking towards a door. The only thing I could make out in the blurry world around me. As the door became closer with every step I made the knob began to turn. I slowed my pace but continued to find out what was there and where I was. Suddenly the door flew open, a bright light blinded me from seeing anything or anyone. Someone ran into me as they were running from the room but I could not see who it was. I could not see what they had just done and were so scared of they would run away like that. I stepped in the room only to see a little girl. She was pretty but crying. She was scared and trembling. Her hair was matted and you could tell some of her hair had been pulled out in a struggle. My fingers reached out to try to touch her but as her brown eyes looked right through me I realized. It was me. Adrianna, age 6, first attack, “Who just attacked me?” I said aloud. The air became to heavy and as my lungs were crying out for more air I gasped, closed my eyes, and when I opened them I was back on my bed with…Alex.

 

“Hey you napped for quite a while you ok, kid?” he asked. I was taken back at being called a kid, and the fact that he had stayed there the whole time to make sure I was safe. As the room came more into focus the clock on my wall said 5:12 which meant I slept all day and nightfall was coming fast. I suddenly became very scared of the trouble that would be finding me soon. Out of sheer terror,

 

 “Um, Alex, I know we don’t know each other very well but I can’t be alone tonight. You are the closest thing to a friend I have and right now what could happen tonight scares me more than whatever bad you could do from staying. So will you please stay with me?”

 

The words just spilled out and by the time I was done inviting him I wanted to take it all back. He smiled as if he had just accomplished a life goal. His smile was not what I thought it would look like the first time I asked a guy to stay over. He was strong, and sure of himself. He knew exactly what he wanted and what he had to do to get it. But I was left wandering… What did he want? He helped me prepare for bed and I offered him to sleep next to me. Strangely, he politely refused and made a palate on the floor within good view of my bed but somewhat in the shadows of my room. If you did not know he was there, you would never know. He chuckled at my tank top, and hearing his laugh and looking into those blue-eyes made me think… this could work. I sat up talking to him about the library and books we both admired as the light left the room. We sat there looking out into the night and nothing happened. I laid back and decided maybe tonight was a night they were not going to show. As my defenses began to fall and I lay back to sleep I heard a noise. A new noise like scraping on the glass and the bricks of my building being clawed at, Alex, heard nothing. He slept as if he had no cares in the world. I sat up to see what was happening when I was forced back down on the bed. I tried to scream and call for help but this time they were smarter. Kai-heel had one of his minions bind my mouth so I could not scream. I could not make any noise, tonight was going to be my last. As the feeding began, I cried silently as my humanity slipped further and further away with every piece of me they took. As my first tear finally rolled down and reached the pillow I saw a bright light. I was sure I was dead now, but the light was coming from inside my studio apartment. There was hope. It wasn’t over.